Training day 19

1:02 Pm

This morning cannot be described in any term other than simply perfect. The entire class piled into the vans shortly after breakfast, and we were off. We cruised down the highway for some time before turning off onto a very windy, narrow road with a jutting cliff edge off to one side. My instructor drove the van expertly and cautiously, because the winding road was making for some turning and churning stomachs (for both humans and dogs, it would seem). When we got there, we waited for the others to arrive before setting off.

Once we took off, Arden and I stayed with the group for a bit before doing our usual "take off" and there we were once again: alone in the woods, the redwood-scented air filling our lungs. Occasionally, I'd reach out to my right and trail my fingers along the bark of a redwood tree, or feel a point in the trail where the tree had been carved into a bench. We walked over some bridges; his nails clicking along the wood, and heard nothing but the small, clear streams that framed our path. Occasionally, we'd cluster together as a group and take pictures--we even got a few pictures of just the dogs sitting together on a bench! I plan on uploading some pictures as soon as I get permission from the handlers.

At one point, the three of us stopped and gave our instructor a gift we'd purchased for her. It couldn't really come close to expressing our gratitude towards her--I've always said that being paired with a guide dog is akin to an arranged marriage, and she was the expert that actually helped us understand one another's language and make the match actually work. I can't imagine how proud she must feel (or ought to feel, at any rate) of the work she does. How incredible would it be to have a job that has such a direct influence on the people you're working with. I mean, think about it. She gets a dog who's a wriggling bundle of happiness, who knows its obedience, but no guide work. Then, in a matter of months, she's managed to teach the dog how to guide a blind person around things, through crowded shopping malls-everything. Not to solicit attention while in harness; not to sniff everything it passes. And then, then to match it with just the right person so that a perfect team can go off into the world and do incredible things just by being together--I can't even imagine how rewarding that must feel. She's incredible though, and I hope she knows it. So L, here's to you.

This afternoon, we're going to be meeting with the people from admissions to get our dogs' binders. The binders will have all their information: medical history, our guide dog user contracts, and I'm sure a bunch of other stuff. After that, one of my classmates has offered to help me pack, and I'm taking her up on that one readily. I suck at packing, so the help will be much appreciated.

8:14 Pm

Most of this evening was spent just being silly with either my dog or my classmates, and sometimes even being silly with my classmates' dogs. One of the dogs in our class weighs a whopping 45 lbs, and we all want to put her in our back pocket and take her home. She and her handler are so perfect for each other. Come to think of it, all of the matches in our class have seemed incredible.

So, graduation is tomorrow, and I'm sure it'll be bittersweet. I of course cannot wait to get home, see my fiance, and get down to showing my dog his new life, but I'm also really worried. I'm scared that all the problems lurking beneath the surface will suddenly reveal themselves, and somehow, Arden won't be able to guide. Like I've said countless times before, I seem to be programmed to constantly anticipate the worst, and it really gets in the way of really enjoying what's happening at the moment. Who knows--someone could psychologize me one day and conclude that it's probably so that I can cope better with disappointment when it actually does happen, but let's face it--we're rarely prepared to have our hearts broken in any way. But this morning in Muir woods, I really found myself enjoying everything with my dog, and there was just so much hope and happiness in my heart. I knew I'd feel the dread--it'll probably set in a bit once I'm left alone at the airport. I'm sure a part of me will want to scream "No! I'm not ready yet!", but when we were walking along the trails, it was just us, and it was just right. I need to have more faith in Arden, and also in GDB. It's been an incredible whirlwind this past three weeks, and I don't think I'd change a single thing about my training experience. I was anticipating so much  more stress, so much  more scrutiny, but I found little to none. And so I'm looking forward to graduation with an open heart and an open mind. In sum, it's time to celebrate! I will update tomorrow evening, and there will likely be pictures! Thank you so, so much for following me through this journey--it's been intense, and I've done my best to be as honest and candid as possible. That was hard at times, but I'm naturally an emotional and introspective person, and so I think it's inevitable that it comes out in my writing. Thanks also for the comments, e-mails, and phone calls of encouragement and support; they really compelled me to continue writing and updating. One day, I want to read back through all of this and just remember our first steps together. And just think about where we've been, and also where we're going. It's going to be really hard when something really funny or cute or exciting happens, to not just rush to my computer and write about it so I can post it later. who knows--maybe I'll keep this blog alive. It's hard though, because I've been so insolated from my life for the past three weeks--I know I'll go back, and there my life will be: waiting for me to pick up where I left off.

Thanks again, everyone. we'll talk tomorrow, and I'll also update once Arden and I are home. I'd also love it so much if I could stay in touch with those of you who want to. Please feel free to either comment, or e-mail me at shermeen.k@gmail.com

Thanks again, and I'll see you tomorrow--it's not over till it's over!