Training day 14

10:19 AM

I set my alarm for 7:00 this morning, and rolled out of bed to feed, water and relieve this yellow animal that happened to be in my room. I was hoping to fall right back asleep again afterwards, but after playing with him a bit, I was wide awake. I lay in bed and willed myself to just close my eyes and be still. I really needed the sleep. Just as I fell into that perfect phase of sleep, my alarm chimed rudely next to my head. cursing at my life, I woke up and went to breakfast. Thankfully, Melissa and I both planned on eating breakfast as late as possible this morning, so we didn't have to eat alone. We had a great conversation over breakfast, and then I headed back to my room with Arden, where we played a bit wildly for about twenty minutes. He went sailing up onto my bed of his own accord though, and I quickly put a kibosh to that--I don't mind him on the bed, but as long as I'm already on it. I just don't want this to get to the point where he legitimately thinks my bed is his bed, you know? (I do also know that a lot of people are perfectly ok with it, and that's fine, too). In a few hours, I'm going to head to the mall with Melissa and one of her friends.

10:53 AM

I feel so far away from home right now. Well, I really am actually quite far away from home, but I feel especially so on this quiet, sunny but slightly chilly Sunday morning. There's something so lonely about sitting in a hotel room with an outdoor corridor, hearing cars and trucks rush past on the highway, like all those people are going somewhere, have somewhere to go, and I'm just sitting here going nowhere. Today is Eid, a day of celebration in the Muslim faith, and I'm used to being with my family for Eid every year. I'm not at all religious, but that isn't even the point. Growing up, it was always just one of those days that has so many memories surrounding it: waking up early in the morning, and being able to eat breakfast with the family because Ramadan was over; getting dressed in clothes that were beautiful but very, very itchy and irritating against my skin. Taking lots of pictures; clambering into the crowded car and heading to the mosque where we would run into pretty much everyone we'd ever known growing up. Commenting on how nice everyone looked, shoving ourselves into place to start prayers. The Imam calling them out over the loudspeaker--the sound of which still has the power to make me instinctively lower my head out of the sheer strength of that childhood association alone. Going back home where everyone would crowd around, laughing and exchanging gifts. Eating tons and tons of amazing Pakistani food (which, if you haven't tried it, is probably one of the best Cuisines on the planet). Like I said before, I basically have no traditional faith and do not identify as religious, but there's nothing inherently religious about these memories. I just miss being happy with my family.

Oh my God, there's someone whistling outside my window and it's driving me up the wall. There's pleasant whistling, and then there's this person: trying in vain to produce a sound, but just managing to let out a weak, mostly-air sound that sort of hisses loudly and tunelessly through their teeth.

7:27 Pm

I went to the mall this afternoon as planned, and had myself some fun. I still find myself in this contemplative, listless mood though. I think part of me desperately wants to go home; to be with people who love me and think of me the way I think of them. I think this is also the point in class where some of the initial novelty is beginning to wear--I'm thinking of all the things I'll need to do once I get home: purchase textbooks for all my classes, teach Arden my various routes and rooms in the law building, pay my tuition, and generally pretend to care about things I don't. I'm sure you know the drill. This has been such a whirlwind of a summer, and there has been so much to look forward to. It has all absolutely been worth it, but I just feel like resting my tired mind for a while. There comes a point, I think, when you want to stop trying and for things to just happen naturally. And I'm not there yet.

I'm really looking forward to  my massage, though. It seems like a perfect way to end what has actually amounted to a fairly relaxing weekend.

9:51 Pm

I just finished getting one of the most amazing massages I think I'll ever have in my life. It was one of those full-body ones, and he gradually deepened his massage until he was massaging stressed muscles that I didn't even know existed. When he finished, I found myself sad to see him leave. Although I can't say I know him well at all, he was one of those people who I felt understood me, or connected with me, at such a fundamental level, and it's just not every day that you encounter people like that. I don't know how else to explain it, but you just know them when you see them.

From a very relaxed Shermeen and sleeping yellow Arden, goodnight. and thanks for reading.