Training day 17

6:34 AM

Unbelievably exhausted. That's basically all I can say for myself this morning. That, and it's freezing. Like, cold enough for me to want to tamper with the thermostat in my room to see if I can get the heat going. I know I know, I'm a Canadian; I should be able to handle this. I blame my ancestors; they were brown, and we just weren't built to accommodate this type of weather. So that's my excuse.

I had a really tough time falling asleep last night, because like, six different things happened in my personal life in the span of half an hour before I lay down. I've addressed most of it, I think, but the bottom line is that I need more sleep and want to go home.

This morning, we head to the Embarcadero. I'm pretty excited!

3:11 Pm

I had a lot of fun today. as I said before, we headed to Sanfran's financial district, and it did not disappoint if what we were expecting was crowds, more crowds, and complicated clearances. Given that it was the financial district, I don't think anyone really anticipated the riffraff we ran into on one of the corners near the building we were using. I was out with the class supervisor relieving my dog, when I heard the following.

"F*** you! Get the f out of there! now!"

"No! f you! f you right back!"

"It's a f*cking public rest room! We use it for the bathroom, not like you f*ckers!"

"You guys have outdoor washrooms?" I turned to the supe.

"Well, it's a public facility, yes." he replied. Then, apparently, the door of the public restroom actually opened, and four men spilled out.

"I knew it! You mother f*ckers need to stop doing your f*cking drugs up in this place!! f you!"

Meantime, my instructor was trying to show me how to put the gentle leader on Arden's head. There were all sorts of loops and straps, and I really wasn't getting the hang of it at all. Finally, we decided that she would just put it on him, and I'd learn about the mechanics of it later on, given that we could have like, gotten shot had we stood there any longer. well, let me just say that Arden fully despised having the gentle leader on. and when I say despised, I mean it in full force. He initially tried to rub it off on my legs when we were walking, and I strongly discouraged it with a firm "no".

Alright biatch, he must have thought, I'ma rub it off elsewhere. So we were walking through this really tight outdoor seating, when he pulled ahead, and rammed his head between the bare, skirt-clad legs of the woman in front of us. Yes. You read that correctly. Bare. Legs. Woman.

"Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed, and apparently darted a furious look at the supervisor who was right behind us.

"Arden just tried to rub his collar off on some woman's leg." my instructor explained. Mortified, I waited for us to finish the block, and then took it right off. It's kind of odd, but he actually works much better with it off. As soon as it was off and he'd rubbed his face all over my legs a few times for good measure (I actually think he felt very insulted), we trotted happily on, and his focus was regained.

I got a bit stressed out at various points during the route, mostly because the streets and sidewalks were very large, sprawling, and full of wide rounded corners. So we'd approach a curb in what I thought was a straight line, but have to turn like, 45 degrees before crossing. And I got all turned around and annoyed, because the wide sidewalks made it easy for my dog to start drifting. But here we had that same old problem again: how do you know when your dog is drifting for a legitimate reason versus because they're unfocused or assuming you want something you don't? oh, speaking of unfocused, Arden had a few time-outs on route today because of some pigeons! haha! my dog has pigeon distractions! A bird took off up into the air right in front of us, and he sort of gazed awestruck at it, kind of like "Wait, you can go up like that? Let me try!" Because I don't anticipate encountering too much wildlife where I live, I think we should be ok--he wasn't extremely distracted, but definitely interested. Dogs are still his favourite, though.

After the route, we headed back to the building we were using and had a delicious lunch and some extremely inappropriate conversations. Following that, we did a nice, short route as a group (so there were three of us and our dogs, plus the supervisor and the instructor). It was really nice to walk with a few other handlers, because both my best friend and fiance are handlers, so Arden'll definitely have to get used to travelling with them. So all in all, a really good day. I think I'm ready to go home though, because I'm starting to get stressed out for no reason. I was telling my instructor that today. She is very familiar with how stressed out I get on routes, which is one of the reasons I pretty much won't work with anyone else. It was kind of funny, because the supervisor returned early from doing Melissa's route this morning, and asked if I wanted to head out with him.

"I'll just wait for L." I said simply, and tried to sound as polite as possible. It isn't that I don't like him; on the contrary, he's actually quite hilarious and is really, really good with the dogs. But I just don't know him as well, and am not entirely convinced that anyone other than L won't do the probation officer thing.

So yup, another good day for us. The first route was really stressful because of the gentle leader, but it's not like we're obligated to use it. And I likely didn't give it a fair chance. still though, it didn't seem to be making my life any easier, that's for sure.

4:01 Pm

Oh my god oh my god oh my god!

I just got of the phone with Arden's puppy raiser! She and I had been exchanging e-mails for a few days now, and incidentally ended up calling each other at the exact same time! I managed to get a hold of her during a work break, and the  minutes flew by as we both bragged about how great Arden is. She confirmed that he's always been incredibly calm and loyal, and was never a piggish eater. We were both really pleased about that, and shared yet another brag about how he sits calmly and patiently on his carpet to wait for his food to be prepared. Oh gosh, just thinking about how great he is is making me want to climb into bed and snuggle with him this instant. You know what, I'm going to do just that.

4:39 Pm

Ah, much better. we snuggled on the bed and napped for a bit, and now I'm typing as I hear Arden daintily and politely eat from his bowl on the corner.

9:06 Pm

As class winds down, I realize that although I'm really looking forward to going home, I've really met some incredible people while here. There are two women, for instance, who are both seventy years old and getting guide dogs. I look at them and think to myself "gee, if I'm lucky enough to even make it to seventy, I so, so want to be like them." Not even just because they're still spry and healthy, although I'm sure that helps a lot. but they both just seem so self-possessed; so "over" those personal demons that haunt so many of us for most of our lives. and they have about them such a quiet yet persistent wisdom, and I just find it so grounding. and, I don't know. Like, they just seem so ok with being themselves: with all their limitations, talents, needs, wants, abilities; it isn't about pursuing some ideal anymore, or cultivating an image for one's self--it's self-actualizing, or just being ok with yourself and your life. We're always looking ahead, planning ahead, thinking five years from now--but must it not just be so incredible to look at yourself one day and honestly be able to say "here. this is exactly who and where I want to be. And I like it." There's a woman in my class who I've gotten a bit close to, and she's told me that she's reached that point recently, herself. And I know that it's been a struggle for her as well, as it likely is for so  many of us. But to just reach a place where you've got nothing left to achieve so that you can call yourself a happy person is just such a place of peace, and I really, really hope to be there myself one day. These people really inspired me a lot. I think our journey in life can be very nicely summed  up in one maxim: look to the living, love them, and hang on.

Goodnight, all of you. and thanks for reading. and putting up with my very deep rants!