Panicking before going

Ok, my panic is starting to spiral out of control (I can tell because I'm particularly sensitive and weepy this weekend), and I really need to talk myself down. I just don't know what the hell I was thinking when I applied to gDB. I've obviously failed as a guide dog handler before, and I don't really know why this experience will be any different. But that's not true, I say back to myself (multiple personalities, anyone?). I researched this decision thoroughly. I chose GDB because of it's reputation for excellent dog matches; because the people there actually speak English; because they have incredible follow-up service. And hell, every single person I've been in contact with has been nothing but kind, honest and informative. So why the lingering panic? why all the self-doubt and questioning and questioning of my decision? because I'm just so scared of struggling and failing. I'm scared that I'll get a dog I can't control, and I'm scared that yet again, I'll be matched with a dog who needs a really firm handling style because I give off this I'm a law student who's going to come kick your ass vibe. But I'm also so many other people too, you know? I'm not a dog person; I can be selfish about my time and energy. But I need to stop. I need to listen to what I know instead of what I fear. I need to trust myself: know that I made a well-researched decision with all the information I could get my hands on. And I also need to trust my own coping abilities--I've been a handler before; I know that the shit can and has hit the fan many times. And somehow, somehow I've always come out on my feet. So I need to look on my own experiences as proof that somehow things will work out. I'm just scared, though. Of getting lost and not knowing how to "unlose" myself. And utterly terrified that I'm not going to like my dog. I so wish I were one of those people who went gaga over every dog, but I'm just not. It takes so much for me to love an animal, and I suppose that's just another point against me in the guide dog arena, but I have points for me, as well. I have a good sense of direction, I'm a consistent and strict handler, I love intensely, and am hoping to god I maintain an open mind. Anyway, basically the point of this entry was for me to just rant and pant about how nervous I am. There's excitement, too. I haven't started packing yet, but that's also right around the corner. Thankfully, we have a fairly busy weekend ahead of us, so I won't have as much time as my psyche would like to dwell on all my fears. I'll likely update again once I'm leaving. For now, two days to go!