Training day 17

6:34 AM

Unbelievably exhausted. That's basically all I can say for myself this morning. That, and it's freezing. Like, cold enough for me to want to tamper with the thermostat in my room to see if I can get the heat going. I know I know, I'm a Canadian; I should be able to handle this. I blame my ancestors; they were brown, and we just weren't built to accommodate this type of weather. So that's my excuse.

I had a really tough time falling asleep last night, because like, six different things happened in my personal life in the span of half an hour before I lay down. I've addressed most of it, I think, but the bottom line is that I need more sleep and want to go home.

This morning, we head to the Embarcadero. I'm pretty excited!

3:11 Pm

I had a lot of fun today. as I said before, we headed to Sanfran's financial district, and it did not disappoint if what we were expecting was crowds, more crowds, and complicated clearances. Given that it was the financial district, I don't think anyone really anticipated the riffraff we ran into on one of the corners near the building we were using. I was out with the class supervisor relieving my dog, when I heard the following.

"F*** you! Get the f out of there! now!"

"No! f you! f you right back!"

"It's a f*cking public rest room! We use it for the bathroom, not like you f*ckers!"

"You guys have outdoor washrooms?" I turned to the supe.

"Well, it's a public facility, yes." he replied. Then, apparently, the door of the public restroom actually opened, and four men spilled out.

"I knew it! You mother f*ckers need to stop doing your f*cking drugs up in this place!! f you!"

Meantime, my instructor was trying to show me how to put the gentle leader on Arden's head. There were all sorts of loops and straps, and I really wasn't getting the hang of it at all. Finally, we decided that she would just put it on him, and I'd learn about the mechanics of it later on, given that we could have like, gotten shot had we stood there any longer. well, let me just say that Arden fully despised having the gentle leader on. and when I say despised, I mean it in full force. He initially tried to rub it off on my legs when we were walking, and I strongly discouraged it with a firm "no".

Alright biatch, he must have thought, I'ma rub it off elsewhere. So we were walking through this really tight outdoor seating, when he pulled ahead, and rammed his head between the bare, skirt-clad legs of the woman in front of us. Yes. You read that correctly. Bare. Legs. Woman.

"Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed, and apparently darted a furious look at the supervisor who was right behind us.

"Arden just tried to rub his collar off on some woman's leg." my instructor explained. Mortified, I waited for us to finish the block, and then took it right off. It's kind of odd, but he actually works much better with it off. As soon as it was off and he'd rubbed his face all over my legs a few times for good measure (I actually think he felt very insulted), we trotted happily on, and his focus was regained.

I got a bit stressed out at various points during the route, mostly because the streets and sidewalks were very large, sprawling, and full of wide rounded corners. So we'd approach a curb in what I thought was a straight line, but have to turn like, 45 degrees before crossing. And I got all turned around and annoyed, because the wide sidewalks made it easy for my dog to start drifting. But here we had that same old problem again: how do you know when your dog is drifting for a legitimate reason versus because they're unfocused or assuming you want something you don't? oh, speaking of unfocused, Arden had a few time-outs on route today because of some pigeons! haha! my dog has pigeon distractions! A bird took off up into the air right in front of us, and he sort of gazed awestruck at it, kind of like "Wait, you can go up like that? Let me try!" Because I don't anticipate encountering too much wildlife where I live, I think we should be ok--he wasn't extremely distracted, but definitely interested. Dogs are still his favourite, though.

After the route, we headed back to the building we were using and had a delicious lunch and some extremely inappropriate conversations. Following that, we did a nice, short route as a group (so there were three of us and our dogs, plus the supervisor and the instructor). It was really nice to walk with a few other handlers, because both my best friend and fiance are handlers, so Arden'll definitely have to get used to travelling with them. So all in all, a really good day. I think I'm ready to go home though, because I'm starting to get stressed out for no reason. I was telling my instructor that today. She is very familiar with how stressed out I get on routes, which is one of the reasons I pretty much won't work with anyone else. It was kind of funny, because the supervisor returned early from doing Melissa's route this morning, and asked if I wanted to head out with him.

"I'll just wait for L." I said simply, and tried to sound as polite as possible. It isn't that I don't like him; on the contrary, he's actually quite hilarious and is really, really good with the dogs. But I just don't know him as well, and am not entirely convinced that anyone other than L won't do the probation officer thing.

So yup, another good day for us. The first route was really stressful because of the gentle leader, but it's not like we're obligated to use it. And I likely didn't give it a fair chance. still though, it didn't seem to be making my life any easier, that's for sure.

4:01 Pm

Oh my god oh my god oh my god!

I just got of the phone with Arden's puppy raiser! She and I had been exchanging e-mails for a few days now, and incidentally ended up calling each other at the exact same time! I managed to get a hold of her during a work break, and the  minutes flew by as we both bragged about how great Arden is. She confirmed that he's always been incredibly calm and loyal, and was never a piggish eater. We were both really pleased about that, and shared yet another brag about how he sits calmly and patiently on his carpet to wait for his food to be prepared. Oh gosh, just thinking about how great he is is making me want to climb into bed and snuggle with him this instant. You know what, I'm going to do just that.

4:39 Pm

Ah, much better. we snuggled on the bed and napped for a bit, and now I'm typing as I hear Arden daintily and politely eat from his bowl on the corner.

9:06 Pm

As class winds down, I realize that although I'm really looking forward to going home, I've really met some incredible people while here. There are two women, for instance, who are both seventy years old and getting guide dogs. I look at them and think to myself "gee, if I'm lucky enough to even make it to seventy, I so, so want to be like them." Not even just because they're still spry and healthy, although I'm sure that helps a lot. but they both just seem so self-possessed; so "over" those personal demons that haunt so many of us for most of our lives. and they have about them such a quiet yet persistent wisdom, and I just find it so grounding. and, I don't know. Like, they just seem so ok with being themselves: with all their limitations, talents, needs, wants, abilities; it isn't about pursuing some ideal anymore, or cultivating an image for one's self--it's self-actualizing, or just being ok with yourself and your life. We're always looking ahead, planning ahead, thinking five years from now--but must it not just be so incredible to look at yourself one day and honestly be able to say "here. this is exactly who and where I want to be. And I like it." There's a woman in my class who I've gotten a bit close to, and she's told me that she's reached that point recently, herself. And I know that it's been a struggle for her as well, as it likely is for so  many of us. But to just reach a place where you've got nothing left to achieve so that you can call yourself a happy person is just such a place of peace, and I really, really hope to be there myself one day. These people really inspired me a lot. I think our journey in life can be very nicely summed  up in one maxim: look to the living, love them, and hang on.

Goodnight, all of you. and thanks for reading. and putting up with my very deep rants!

Our ID Picture!

Arden and Shermeen

Training day 16

8:00 AM

Alarm went off at 6:00 today, and I ended up bailing on my morning shower and reset the alarm for 7:00. Asking me to wake up at 6 would have been akin to asking me to wade through lead; it simply wasn't going to happen. I'm going to be so screwed when I head back east and have to get up at 7:00 eastern, which'll be 4:00 AM here.

It's freezing this morning, so I'm only sort of looking forward to going to Berkeley. Working my dog while I'm frigid isn't my idea of a good route, but we'll just have to see how it goes.

10:29 AM

I'm writing this segment at a starbucks in Berkeley! Arden and I worked a route here from another subway station, and overall, it went really well. One of the things I think we handlers need to keep in mind is that rather than "teach you and your dog how to ride the subway together", this is basically a route that will show you that your dog can indeed ride the subway safely, and safely navigate a subway station. As for showing them the specifics of targeting a specific set of stairs you'll be using, or which tracks you typically take, that's stuff you'll be showing your dog yourself. He worked well in the subway station, going either left or right when I gave him the forward command when the tracks were in front of us. The dogs are taught to actively disobey the forward command when tracks are immediately in front of the team, and so go either left or right. This is obviously to keep the team walking parallel with the tracks, and not on a crash course headed straight for them. He also wasn't anxious at all on the loud subway, which made me really happy. Our turns are still a bit uncoordinated, but that's likely as much my problem as it is his. We also had a few clearance issues, where we had to say, pass a pole. Instead of passing the pole on the left where there was more room, he'd pass it on the right where we had to squeeze close in order not to fall off the curb. we reworked those though, and he did wonderfully. All in all, I'm satisfied with the way the route went. His pace was perfect, and he remained focused. Those are two of the most important things, I think. The rest can vary, and sometimes comes with time, but pace and focus are just so crucial to a successful team. I'm just sitting here now, waiting for another of my classmates to work her way over here with the class supervisor. Then, we'll pile into the vans and head back to GDB's main campus for lunch, my meeting with Arden's trainer, and the vet consults! woohoo!!

8:31 Pm

One of my classmates joined me at Starbucks, and then we all headed back to GDB's main campus for lunch. Shortly thereafter, I got to meet and chat with A, Arden's trainer. As he'd done once before, he leapt off the ground, all feet in the air, and landed on her shoulders. I was so glad that he met her with such enthusiasm, not only because I hope he'll love me like that one day, but also because I'm just so impressed that a dog can love a trainer so much--a person who has actual expectation of its behaviour; someone who gives it physical corrections sometimes. The capacity for these dogs to forgive and move on is really quite astounding, and really sets them apart from dogs not suited to service work, I think. Anyway, she and I headed out to chat for a bit, and it basically turned into a joint bragging session about yellow Arden. She told me that she hadn't encountered any abnormalities or particularly noteworthy things in his training, and that he'd always been a hard-working, eager-to-please dog who had a calm and quiet disposition. Now, if only all males were like that! ;).

When I was finished talking to her, one of GDB's vets came into talk to us about our dog's overall health concerns. His biggest concern, and something they seem to see on a regular basis, is an overweight dog. It's never really been an issue for my dogs in the past, and the combination of general fatigue and the warm air in the room had me almost nodding off at some points. It was an informative lecture though, and he certainly kept us laughing with some of his stories. Oh, I forgot to mention that before lunch, we had some time to let our dogs run off-leash in the paddocks again. This time, my dog played with another classmate's dog, and they ran and jumped and played a whole bunch. I was convinced that his recall would suck in the presence of that very attractive other dog, but when I called his name, he was at my side in an instant.

Ok, so after the vet's lecture, we headed over to the veterinary clinic itself to learn more about our own dog's health history, and it was there that I learned that Arden had Parvo as a puppy. It was actually the first time I learned what Parvo even is, and it's a virus that's in the digestive system, and if not treated immediately, is often deadly. At the time of the outbreak, GDB was asking that no dogs be boarded at the kennel, as they'd already lost some puppies to Parvo. Arden, however, fought the yellow fight and came out a thriving survivor. Call me a sentimental fool, but when we got back to the hotel room after dinner, I lay with him on the bed, my body curled protectively around his, and I cried a bit into his fur. To think that some disease could have just taken him when he was a tiny, hopeful puppy is just heartbreaking. It also struck me how little I really know him, you know? How many secrets they can keep because they don't talk, how much they see and just can't share. It's really quite remarkable. After the vet lecture, we had another chance to let the dogs romp and play, and they took full advantage. Arden doesn't play too hard though, and was content to come back and lie down with me after a while. And that's just the way I like it!

He also has a bit of conjunctivitis in his left eye. That's a very very fancy word for "he probably just got some dust in it" and it's a bit red. We have drops for it though, so that should go away in no time.

The evening was spent in the aforementioned snuggling position, and I have a bit of a toothache, so I'm going to head to bed. Tomorrow, we're heading to the Embarcadero, which is Sanfransisco's Eastern waterfront. It's also the city's financial and business district, so should be teaming with pedestrians and cars. I think we'll be getting another chance to ride the subway, play on escalators, and navigate crowded sidewalks. We'll also be trying the gentle leader, just to see how he takes to it. We were going to do that today, but I ended up forgetting.

Goodnight, all of you! and thanks for reading! oh, and I also got a copy of the ID picture taken last Wednesday, and will post that shortly. Let me know what you guys think of it!

Training day 15

6:32 AM

Gosh it's freezing this morning. Then again, I'm always cold. I thought I might wake up sore from last night's deep  massage, but I'm surprisingly not. The guy did tell me that my back felt really offset to him though, which didn't surprise me at all, given how tense I am when I walk with Arden. It's not him, specifically, but just that it takes time to trust that a new dog won't crash you into something, or drop you off the edge of the sidewalk. Although these dogs are trained extensively, they're still young, and our relationship is still brand new. And I'm sure that goes both ways, too. I'm sure I hold the harness handle differently from the way his trainer did, and I probably follow differently as well. So poor Arden has to get used to be also!

This morning I think we're going to Fisherman's Warf, a landmark tourist destination in sanfransisco. It's generally very crowded, and teaming with tourists. There are also a lot of outdoor stalls and displays that Arden will have to be mindful of, and I don't doubt that there'll be a lot of smells, also. For now though, I'm going to get dressed and attend to this yellow animal that's in my room.

12:17 Pm

This morning, we headed out to Fisherman's Warf, as anticipated. Arden really comes to life in the big city, which is generally a good thing, given that I live downtown, myself. It was a great opportunity to basically practise everything: navigating around countless pedestrians, extremely wide street crossings, and obstacles all over the place. He also managed to do some excellent guiding while the sounds of construction drowned out any and every other noise, including my commands and praise. He handled the city like a champ. He did speed up quite a bit though, so I had to slow him down a couple times. Although I'm getting to trust him, that's a speed I'd like to reserve for when our trust is stronger still. Right now, I'd prefer his more moderate speed, because if there ever is a clearance issue or some other guiding mishap, I'll at least have time to react before potentially getting my head bopped, you know? I also got myself a sanfransisco keychain with the Golden Gate Bridge on it to take home. I debated buying some clothes, but decided against it (my fiancé would be proud!), mostly because I don't have too much extra room in my suitcase.

Although the morning went relatively well, I'm still in a bit of an irritable mood. The entire morning, I just felt like shouting "Shut up!" everywhere I went, and I had less patience than usual when being approached by a very...unique individual who insisted on blowing smoke in my and Arden's faces, while standing close enough to me to be making out.

"I'm in the biotech industry!" he bellowed. I was like sure buddy, though I'm sure you need an IQ higher than, like, four to be in that industry at all, just saying. And he wouldn't stop talking about how great Arden was, which I had to agree with. even still, the amount of attention we get from the public can also get really annoying. Sometimes, when I'm in a good mood, I'll engage with them and chat a bit, but often, I'm rushing off to school and have several things on my mind, and am just not in a place to chat about how "your dog smells my dog" for an hour.

I'm so annoyed, in fact, that I'm just going to skip lunch and spend some time here in my room. Maybe I'll listen to music or something, or maybe read a book. I'm just in one of those moods where any social interaction has the potential to reduce me to tears or send me into an anxiety attack because I just find it so exhausting. I know that I wouldn't want to be around me right now, so I suppose I'm also doing my classmates a favour :).

This afternoon, we have our progress interviews for the week. I think we'll be talking about last-minute things we'd like to work on, as well as the transition back home. after that, I think we're having a talk from a field manager about graduate services. This evening we're doing our first "night route".  I put that in quotations because we're doing it at 6:30, when it'll barely even be dusk out, so I think the "night" part of the route is a loose term. Ah well, I'm glad for all the practise we can get.

5:56 PM

Like I said earlier, I didn't end up making it to lunch. It ended up being a good decision, because I ended up listening to an audio book and falling asleep, one arm draped off the side of the bed, stroking Arden's soft yellow coat. It was one of those very relaxing naps where you don't really know exactly when you fell asleep, but wake up feeling rested. A short while after I woke up, my instructor came by to have our progress meeting. We went over to the hammocks to chat, and Arden flipped over onto his belly and received all his praise. We agreed that like we'd always suspected, Arden is a consistently good worker. This isn't to say we never have our issues, but I can generally expect really good work from him, and he absolutely delivers. We talked about any outstanding things I wanted to focus on this week, and I told her I'd like to work on controlling his speed better--there were moments at the Warf this morning where I felt he was a bit too quick for that environment, and so I'd like to just fine-tune our speed issue. Really though, I'm just being nit-picky. If someone asked me if I was ready to head home today, I'd have to say that I am. I also know that I'm one of the lucky people in class who had relatively few problems with  my dog. Honestly though, I can't really think of anyone in my class (with maybe one exception) who wouldn't be ready to head home. A lot of us are just reworking routes we found helpful, doing more work in areas we think most resemble our home environment, and are putting the final touches on our technique. Oh, speaking of which, we're heading into Berkeley tomorrow, and we're going to be trying the gentle leaders on the dogs for the route. The gentle leader more effectively controls the dog's head, and does not require as much physical strength or motion on the part of the handler. Some dogs need it occasionally, while others have it as part of their wardrobe--it completely depends on the team and their environment. I'm interested to see how Arden will react to having it on; I hope he doesn't mind it, because although I don't think it'll be a standard part of his uniform, I'd like to have it in my "toolbox" should an occasion call for it.

9:03 Pm

So here I am, on the flip side of the night route. I went out second, which actually gave the sky a bit of time to darken just enough to at least make it feel like a late evening route, if not a full on night one. Another instructor joined us for the evening, because she'll be staying over night. she actually ended up taking Melissa on her route, and when they got back to the lounge, I began to panic a little. She seemed very kind and approachable, but I'm a bit attached to the idea of going out with my own instructor. She understands what it is I need of her during routes, i.e. needing for her not to be a silent parole officer shadow figure. She's really good at chatting to me as I walk, which does a lot to ease my anxiety. Anyway, she ended up getting back to the lounge in time and was very flattered when I told her that I worried I'd have to walk with someone else. I'm glad I made her feel wanted!

The route itself went wonderfully. There were several dog distractions out in full force, so we had opportunities to practise either working past them or doing the time out. The second time out I did was actually effective, and I mentioned it to my instructor. I'm sure you guys know that I'm a bit skeptical as to the effectiveness of the time-out method in all circumstances, and I've also shared my perspective with the instructor. she brought up a really good point though. effective or not, it isn't safe to work a dog who's actively distracted. so there may be times when I can urge my dog past a distraction because I'm finding he's minimally engaged with the distraction, and I know I can refocus his attention quickly. There were times tonight, though, when it made a lot more sense to stop, regroup, and work him after waiting about ten seconds. In the "real world" i.e. when there isn't an instructor around to describe the situation to you, or give you feedback on what has your dog's attention, it makes sense to not have the dog guide you while he's distracted. So I learned something really valuable right there! So, thanks L! (you know who you are).

Speaking of dog distractions, we were coming up on this one dog on the left who was tiny and barking up a storm. Arden did try to walk past it, but stopped. I was all GDB time-outing--like you could have put me in a GDB commercial for time-outs. Then, the woman who owned the dog grabbed it, and urged it towards my dog.

"Go meet him! play with him!" she chirped, continuing to shove her dog in my dog's face. By this time, Arden was effectively choking himself because he was trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"Can you please not thrust your dog at him?" My instructor asked the woman, "he's actually working. he's a guide dog."

"He is?!?!" the woman asked incredulously.

"Yup." my instructor replied simply.

"Well, I'm so sorry!" she turned away, shame-faced.

"Shame on you! Shame on you!" she yelled at her dog, as if it was the dog's fault it's owner carried him to my dog's face. Like, I'm not sure how much  more obvious it could be that Arden was working. he's outfitted with a very obvious harness, with signs up the wazoo that look official. Some pet-owners, eh? Oh well, like I said, it gave me a chance to practise dog distractions!

His pace was excellent tonight, and I'm hoping it stays that way. I have this fear that because it's the last week, some huge problem is going to suddenly reveal itself and I'll have to rush home all panic-stricken and confused. But Arden has been a consistently good worker, and we're getting to know one another, I think. And hope. Hope is a big part of it.

Tomorrow we head into Berkley, where we'll be taking the BART (Bay Area Rapid transit) i.e. the subway. So it'll give us a chance to practise subways as well as big cities. And in the afternoon, I get to chat to a, Arden's trainer! after that, we have our vet consults, so I'll get to learn all about his health history! There are two dogs in the class who share a father with Arden, so I tell my classmates that he's their brother from another mother! (His father, Jenkins, really gets around it seems!).

And on that note, I'm heading to bed. Goodnight!

Training day 14

10:19 AM

I set my alarm for 7:00 this morning, and rolled out of bed to feed, water and relieve this yellow animal that happened to be in my room. I was hoping to fall right back asleep again afterwards, but after playing with him a bit, I was wide awake. I lay in bed and willed myself to just close my eyes and be still. I really needed the sleep. Just as I fell into that perfect phase of sleep, my alarm chimed rudely next to my head. cursing at my life, I woke up and went to breakfast. Thankfully, Melissa and I both planned on eating breakfast as late as possible this morning, so we didn't have to eat alone. We had a great conversation over breakfast, and then I headed back to my room with Arden, where we played a bit wildly for about twenty minutes. He went sailing up onto my bed of his own accord though, and I quickly put a kibosh to that--I don't mind him on the bed, but as long as I'm already on it. I just don't want this to get to the point where he legitimately thinks my bed is his bed, you know? (I do also know that a lot of people are perfectly ok with it, and that's fine, too). In a few hours, I'm going to head to the mall with Melissa and one of her friends.

10:53 AM

I feel so far away from home right now. Well, I really am actually quite far away from home, but I feel especially so on this quiet, sunny but slightly chilly Sunday morning. There's something so lonely about sitting in a hotel room with an outdoor corridor, hearing cars and trucks rush past on the highway, like all those people are going somewhere, have somewhere to go, and I'm just sitting here going nowhere. Today is Eid, a day of celebration in the Muslim faith, and I'm used to being with my family for Eid every year. I'm not at all religious, but that isn't even the point. Growing up, it was always just one of those days that has so many memories surrounding it: waking up early in the morning, and being able to eat breakfast with the family because Ramadan was over; getting dressed in clothes that were beautiful but very, very itchy and irritating against my skin. Taking lots of pictures; clambering into the crowded car and heading to the mosque where we would run into pretty much everyone we'd ever known growing up. Commenting on how nice everyone looked, shoving ourselves into place to start prayers. The Imam calling them out over the loudspeaker--the sound of which still has the power to make me instinctively lower my head out of the sheer strength of that childhood association alone. Going back home where everyone would crowd around, laughing and exchanging gifts. Eating tons and tons of amazing Pakistani food (which, if you haven't tried it, is probably one of the best Cuisines on the planet). Like I said before, I basically have no traditional faith and do not identify as religious, but there's nothing inherently religious about these memories. I just miss being happy with my family.

Oh my God, there's someone whistling outside my window and it's driving me up the wall. There's pleasant whistling, and then there's this person: trying in vain to produce a sound, but just managing to let out a weak, mostly-air sound that sort of hisses loudly and tunelessly through their teeth.

7:27 Pm

I went to the mall this afternoon as planned, and had myself some fun. I still find myself in this contemplative, listless mood though. I think part of me desperately wants to go home; to be with people who love me and think of me the way I think of them. I think this is also the point in class where some of the initial novelty is beginning to wear--I'm thinking of all the things I'll need to do once I get home: purchase textbooks for all my classes, teach Arden my various routes and rooms in the law building, pay my tuition, and generally pretend to care about things I don't. I'm sure you know the drill. This has been such a whirlwind of a summer, and there has been so much to look forward to. It has all absolutely been worth it, but I just feel like resting my tired mind for a while. There comes a point, I think, when you want to stop trying and for things to just happen naturally. And I'm not there yet.

I'm really looking forward to  my massage, though. It seems like a perfect way to end what has actually amounted to a fairly relaxing weekend.

9:51 Pm

I just finished getting one of the most amazing massages I think I'll ever have in my life. It was one of those full-body ones, and he gradually deepened his massage until he was massaging stressed muscles that I didn't even know existed. When he finished, I found myself sad to see him leave. Although I can't say I know him well at all, he was one of those people who I felt understood me, or connected with me, at such a fundamental level, and it's just not every day that you encounter people like that. I don't know how else to explain it, but you just know them when you see them.

From a very relaxed Shermeen and sleeping yellow Arden, goodnight. and thanks for reading.

Training day 13

5:06 Pm

Wow, I don't think I've ever started a blog entry this late. It's been getting really hard to wake up in time to do pretty much anything in the mornings now, but I've kept close track of what goes on in my head, at least.

This morning, we went into San Anselmo to do what has been lovingly deemed the "right clearance route". It involves a relatively short walk through a quiet part of town, the main issues for the dog being really narrow sidewalks, and poles and other signs and such on the right hand side. Although Arden is fairly good and quite cautious with his clearances, I have noticed that occasionally, my right shoulder won't quite make it past a clearance. after confirming that his trainer wasn't, like, anorexic or something that would warrant or explain that, I asked my instructor if we could do a route that involved a lot of clearances. He did relatively well this morning, though he is certainly a bit bold when it comes to estimating whether or not we'll make it through a small space. So we had to rework a few of them, but after being shown, he picked it up really quickly. We also encountered a few dog distractions, and Arden received his first actually effective time out.

"see?" my instructor said, "It does work!"

"Haha! I've been here two full weeks now, and this was the first time it's ever worked!"

When we had walked past the dog that had been distracting Arden, the people behind us remarked "Did you just see that? She just stopped and stood there, and her dog just calmed down and kept going." I was like yeah, that's my boy.

So I've asked my instructor if we could do that route again. One of the most awesome feelings in the world is when your dog swerves you around something, and I want us to be amazing at it.

After that, we had enough time to head to the paddocks again to do some recall. This time, both Arden and Melissa's dog got to play together. We thought they would go completely nuts, and although they played a bit, it was actually quite tame. I think Arden kept chiding Melissa's dog, provoking him to play, but he didn't end up being very interested. I also thought Arden's recall would go out the window in the presence of other dogs, and I was really impressed at how good it actually was! Often, he'd play for a while, and then just go lay down in front of my chair, even if I wasn't in it! how cute is that!

When we got back to the hotel, my instructor and I chatted in my room for a while. I showed her how well Arden knows the "go to bed" command, and she was impressed. It just involves my telling the dog to "go to bed" and him making a beeline for his carpet. This comes in really handy, say, if someone is coming to the door. You don't always want your dog underfoot when pizza is being delivered, that type of thing. We also played around and tried to teach Arden how to walk into the harness all by himself! The first few times, he just poked his yellow head around the side of it and got the treat anyway, but after a few tries, and a few well-timed clicks, he was putting his head right through the loop. Eventually, we'll make it an art form!

After lunch, I headed off to the pool with two of my classmates and we soaked up some sun. Although we're not allowed to bring the dogs to the pool area, it was great to just relax and lie around, because heaven knows we don't do enough of that around here!

After dinner, those of us who have IPhones are going to get together in my bedroom and chat all about apps--suggesting the ones we like and playing with each other's phones. It should be fun!

6:49 Pm

Ok, so I was sitting here a little while ago, playing on my computer, Arden resting quietly beside my chair. Suddenly, he sprang up, and began an insane sniffing spree around the stuffed chair by my bedroom door. I told him to lie down again, and he did, only to spring back and aim his nose back in the direction of the stuffed chair. I paused my typing for a second and to my utter horror, heard, like, beating wings or tiny footsteps or whatever on god's green earth that thing was doing.

I quickly put the dog on tie-down and beat a path to the nurse's office that would make you think I'm an Olympic runner.

"There's something in my room." I blurted out as soon as she opened the door. "It's alive, and it's not me or my dog. Do you have a gun?"

"I'm going to get security! Was it big? I don't know if I'm the right person for this!"

Thankfully, security was ambling down the breezeway. We both turned to her.

"There's something in her room!" the nurse told her.

"Can you please come and bring your gun?" I asked importantly.

The three of us walked over, and I screamed as soon as she opened the door.

"Ha, nothing's even happened yet!" the security guard told me. I imagine that I'd already lost any and all credibility by this point, but I swear I heard something. They scoured the room, and turned up nothing.

"Even if it's still in here," the security guard said, "it's probably just a lizard."

"Oh, well that makes it all better then." I said dryly.

"They're so cute though! They don't bite or anything!"

"It doesn't matter!" I nearly shrieked, and we all laughed. I had like three other sighted people come into my room to make sure Arden and I were the only breathing creatures in it, and so far so good.

Goodnight!

My Classmates and I Enjoyed McCinnis Park with Our Dogs

Shermeen and Arden sitting between two of her classmates at McCinnis Park.

Training day 12

6:28 AM

Oh wow, it's getting harder and harder to wake myself up in the mornings, despite my attempts to go to sleep before 10:00. Maybe tonight, I'll try and sleep after the 8:30 relieve. I'm getting to the point where I'm getting a little stir-crazy--a bit restless, and like I want to go home, only I know that there's more work I want to do with Arden. Speaking of Arden, I have a confession to make. He got up on the bed yesterday because someone called him up onto it, and that same person snuggled with him for about twenty minutes before sending him back down. I asked her what on earth she was thinking, and her response was simply that she couldn't help it. What lack of discipline, eh?

So as I mentioned yesterday, we're heading into the big city this morning--which city that is exactly referring to I'm not sure (I'm assuming Sanfransisco is a possibility), but our instructor said she doesn't want to thrust us into the heart of downtown just yet, which sounds just fine by me.

2:50 Pm

So as planned, we headed into sanfransisco this morning. Rather than charging into the midst of its downtown core, we worked a nice route on Chestnut street (for those of you who know the area). I know the name "Chestnut street" likely evokes an image of a quiet, tree-lined street with sprawling lawns and laughing children, but it's actually a fairly busy street with heavy traffic and lots of businesses. Arden was a bit distracted this morning, as in he was looking around a fair bit. having said that, he didn't really let it interfere with his guiding. we walked a little too close when following people sometimes, and we had to rework a clearance or two, but I was overall impressed. I do want to do some more work in the big city though, just to get him used to pedestrian and traffic-heavy settings. He also did a neat little traffic check for me when a car (very rudely) turned in front of us before we could approach our upcurb.

We also had a chance to ride the city bus. The buses here are weird, in that the seating immediately close to the front isn't hollow underneath so as to easily tuck the dog under. In Ontario, most of the buses are designed so that the front of the bus has seats that are not only hollow underneath, but they can lift up as well so as to let a person with a stroller or wheelchair park themselves out of the isle. Still, my dog sat all tall and regal between my knees, and the sun streaming through the windows kept gleaming on his shiny yellow coat.

"That's a nice dog you've got there," a guy across the isle remarked, "so clean." (so clean?)

"Thanks." I replied.

"How much does that dog cost, anyway?" He went on. I always think that's such a weird question, a) because they're not exactly for purchase; and b) it's very difficult to quantify their worth.

"Well, they're quite priceless, I think." I said.

"What do you mean?" He asked, surprised.

I just didn't answer, but that wasn't going to stop him.

"So clean! just so clean!" I just smiled and nodded.

"So, are you the trainer?" he asked me.

"No, I'm the handler." I answered.

"The what?"

"Like, it's my dog. I work with him."

"Oh, so you're not a trainer?"

"Nope, I actually use him."

"But you're not blind!" he sputtered.

"I actually am. She's the trainer." I turned towards my instructor, who sat next to me, amused.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" he exclaimed.

"It's ok," I answered, "It's not your fault."

"So clean!" he exclaimed again, as he headed off the bus. I'm not really sure if he was expecting to see a dog coated in manure and dirt on the bus, but the comment was kind of strange. Ah well, he was pretty well-intended, I suppose. It could have been much worse. And it was entertaining, which is always a plus.

After having lunch at the lounge, our small group headed over to McInnis Park, which had a very nice gravel walking path in it. Arden and I took off, and found ourselves yards and yards ahead of the group. We walked along the trail, keeping along the right hand side so as to let people pass on the left, though we didn't pass anyone. As we walked, all I could hear were the sounds of our feet on gravel, his quiet panting, and a bubbling stream next to us. There were no obstacles; no traffic decisions to make; no directions to remember. I straightened my back and lifted my face to the wind, and we soaked up the sun and just walked. Our pace and rhythm was perfect, and I want so much to commit that moment to memory. It was one of those times when you think to yourself "this. This is why I got a guide dog." Walking with him is the closest I'll ever come to being sighted, and it's perfect. As we walked, I could hear small animals skittering about in the bushes and in the branches. Because my dog has some golden in him, these things are often of at least passing interest to him, but he remained focused and alert, not even sniffing any of the grass or bushes that lined the trail. he even guided me over to a bench! My two classmates and I ended up sitting there and chatting with our instructor for a bit, took a few pictures, and headed back. Now I'm sitting in my air-conditioned room and Arden and I are cooling off. This afternoon was just so perfect-probably the most fun and relaxing afternoon I've had since coming here. I can't tell you how much anxiety I have when I know there are expectations of me--but this afternoon there were none, and it was indeed a walk to remember.

3:51 Pm

Wow, that was intense. so remember the canvas crate I bought for Arden? My instructor offered to come and help me learn how to set it up, and also how to take it down. Setting it up was a breeze; the poles snapped nicely into place, and in the blink of an eye (and with a bit of grunting), the crate was up and functional in no time. we stood back and admired our work.

"I think I want one for my dog!" she exclaimed.

"I know, isn't it great?" I ran my hands over it, admiring it too.

"Let's try to take it down now."

And that's when the trouble began. For some reason, it just wouldn't fold up as nicely--the one side of it just refused to lie down nicely into the other side. We couldn't figure out why it kept getting stuck. A few minutes later, we were both sweating and panting, trying to gently jam poles this way and that way, muttering and grumbling. All of a sudden, it collapsed nicely into its perfectly folded formation.

"How did that even happen!" we both shouted. We righted the crate again, and took it down again, one step at a time. We finally figured out that the hinges that connected the two poles had to be pressed right back into the corners (I know this sounds needlessly complicated and detailed, I'm sorry), and it finally worked. It's wonderful!

after that, we headed to the exercise room here, so that Arden could practise his down-stay while I worked out on a bike. At the gym I go to, there isn't always a place to tie the dog up while I'm working out, and although I make sure that I'm very close to the dog, I can't always have him tied right next to me. So we had him lay down nicely, clicking his really good downstays. and he did really well as I panted and sweated up yet another storm on the bike.

7:04 Pm

I just got back from a lecture on GDB's veterinary financial assistance program. It's designed to help GDB graduates with vet care that they might not be able to afford. The priority is always the dog's health and well-being, and GDB does not want to see any dog go without treatments or health maintenance simply because the handler doesn't have the funds to afford it. I think it's really quite remarkable that a not-for-profit organization is reaching out to its graduates in that capacity; it really seems unrivalled, and is such an honourable commitment to make. One of the great things about the program is that the graduate chooses how much help he or she needs from GDB. So if you need to swing by the vet to pick up some stomach medication and you know you can afford it, you can just pay for it yourself and not have GDB reimburse you. I admit I was afraid that people would readily take advantage of the reimbursement program, but was impressed at how much of the vet costs a lot of people absorb themselves. People only seem to use it when they really need it, which likewise reflects really well on GDB's grads. I'm really relieved to know that my dog will be taken care of regardless of how poor I am!

I plan on going to bed after the 8:30 relieve tonight, so I'm going to close for now. Tomorrow, we're going to go into a city called San Anselmo (sp?) to do a route that involves a lot of obstacles. I'm actually really looking forward to it, because nothing feels more awesome than your dog swerving you around something!

Goodnight, everyone. And thanks again for reading. I likely wouldn't write otherwise.

Training day 11

9:04 AM

Yeah, so I ended up waking up at 7:00 this morning--I did it on purpose, though. My alarm originally went off at 6:00, and my body was like "nope, not happening" and I slept for another hour. Of course this meant I took my dog out a little late to relieve, and as the door clicked shut behind me, I realized I had left my key access card in the bedroom. I ended up pounding on the doors of a few of my classmates, and the instructor ended up letting me back in.

9:47 Am

We just finished our lecture on total barricades and traffic encounters. I'd write more, but I'm a bit nervous, as we're about to head out for our traffic routes. Cue the supervisor trying to kill us!

12:29 Pm

Ok, I'm sorry for the brevity of that last segment; as you might be able to imagine, I was a bit nervous, especially after our lecture. Anyway, we went on our route, and my instructor walked alongside me. She didn't tell me when the traffic checks would occur, but she did make all the traffic crossing decisions for me, i.e. telling me when to cross each street. Anyway, Arden did brilliantly; there were moments (after I'd finished cussing and my heart had settled back in my body) that I wanted to kneel on the ground and cry into his fur because of how awesome he is. The supervisor did everything: from pulling out in front of us while we were walking down the sidewalk, to making a right hand turn on a street just after I'd given the dog the forward command to cross. He even backed right into us, causing my dog to have to back up, all while making sure the path was clear for me to back up as well. Arden was a star, and my instructor told me that I also did a good job at following him, as well as staying calm (though I think she was probably humouring me; it's hard to stay calm when there's like, a hit man on the road trying to kill you). During our lecture, they asked us "Now, when you encounter a car parked across the sidewalk in front of you, why do you think it's best to go around the car on the side of the street and not the driveway?"

"You could end up in someone's garage?" Someone suggested.

"There might not be enough room." someone else chimed in.

"Yeah, and you don't want to be stumbling on random peoples' property," I added, "and if you're in Florida, they might just even shoot you!"

I haven't encountered any gun-toting rednecks out here, but I'm told they aren't in California all that much haha.

anyway, my dog did amazingly well, and didn't even seem all that phased by the "traffic encounters" as they call it. I'm always amazed at how reliable he is. Because I've been hit by a car before, and because I already have a very active fear of being hit, doing this exercise was very, very scary for me. I know it was supposed to be a bit fun (as well as showing us how awesome our dogs are), but it so closely resembles things that happen on a regular basis that  it makes me just want to crawl out of my skin. I'm one of those people who's aware of my own mortality to an almost invasive extent; I am always aware that I could die at any given  moment, and am constantly terrified that my loved ones will die. I'm not really sure where it comes from, but travelling around and exposing myself to thousand pound machines that are hurtling about at insane speeds does very little to ease my fears. Having said all of that, he did wonderfully, and really did not seem at all phased. After I returned from the traffic route, I did exactly what felt natural: I kneeled next to my dog and clung to him. he just stood calmly, licking my lips and wondering why I was squeezing him so hard. I wanted to sing this song to him:

Thank you for loving me; for being my eyes, when I couldn't see. For parting my lips when I couldn't breathe...thank you for loving me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eesZBfTj0cU

After lunch, we headed to a petco, where all of our dogs were super distracted. It didn't really help matters that there was a dog obedience class going on there at the same time. Have I told you guys how much Arden comes alive around other dogs? Although I wish he weren't so interested, I actually prefer his dog distractions over a need to interact with strangers (because I typically encounter more people than dogs) so that's ok. Anyway, I bought him a toy he seemed to be interested in, and then we headed out. When I went to Petco this last weekend, I saw a crate there that I thought would be good for my dog; it was a canvas one, and it was also portable. But apparently Petco doesn't carry one that's big enough for my dog, which is kind of strange. Like I know he's the biggest boy in class, but 75 pounds is certainly not huge or "plus sized". My instructor ended up calling another pet place (I think it's called Pet Food extreme?) and the woman there said they had a crate that was "huge". So we headed over there, and I actually ended up purchasing it. It's made by noz2noz, and is really awesome. Arden loved it in the store! I'm still trying to convince myself to be ok with the fact that he seems to love his crate.

After that, we went to the fenced in paddocks on GDB's main campus. There, we got to practise recall. Arden was really good at it like I suspected he might be, though I think things will be markedly different once we add another dog into the situation. Melissa felt similarly about her dog--both our dogs love other dogs, so we're interested in seeing if they'll be able to disentangle themselves at all once they're actually with each other. We'll be going there again next week so as to let the dogs play together--some of the people who I'm close to are dog handlers, so it's likely that my dog will play with their dogs, and I'd like to see how he does when something more compelling than me (tear tear) is added to the fray!

I intend on going for a drink with a classmate in a bit, and then want to call it an early night. But how many times have I said that? ugh.

8:49 Pm

I've just gotten back from a very pleasant and much needed chat with a classmate of mine whom I respect a lot and want to get to know better. She and I both agreed that we want to do it more often. It's not often that you have such a genuine connection with someone, so I'm glad to say that I have. And with that, and with a long and lingering hug from my friend "Cab", I'm off for the night. Tomorrow we head into "the big city"!

Training day 10

6:27 AM

Ok, I forgot to mention yesterday that we didn't actually end up doing escalators; we'll be going to the mall this afternoon, and doing them then. We were told that the dogs need to wear booties on only their back feet for the escalator, and not on all four like I'd originally thought. Dogs wearing booties on escalators is relatively new, actually. apparently there were a small minority of instances where the pads of the dog's feet would get pinched between the metal slats of the moving floor, and, well, you can imagine what followed. The vast majority of people and dogs have absolutely no problem with them, but I'd rather pause and put booties on my boy's back feet than sit there in the midst of a horror-stricken crowd while my dog bleeds all over the place. I thought of being all rebellious and perhaps bending the booties rule a bit, but I know that with my luck, the day I choose not to put booties on his feet, something bad'll happen and I won't exactly be able to get GDB to help. So, booties on his back feet it is! :).

This morning we'll be heading to the lounge to do a route, and will likely focus on specific things (for some people it'll be buildings, for others it'll be pace, etc.). I'd really like to go back to the buildings Arden and I visited, and do some more walking in hallways and targeting doors and the like. After that, we'll be going to GDB's actual campus for lunch. The GDB gift shop is there, so we'll also be able to do some shopping! (I'm really going to need to exercise some of that self-control I don't have). Then we get photos taken for our ID cards. I have two shirts I can't decide between for the photo...maybe I'll get someone to also get a picture of us with my phone and post it here at some point. And then it's off to the mall we go!

10:05 AM

I am writing this entry with much sadness in my heart. One of our classmates is going home today. That's all I'll say regarding the situation specifically, but it really, really sucks. You know, there are times when being blind is awesome: it's allowed me to forge connections and relationships with people that are of such depth and mutual understanding that I'm left inarticulate with gratitude; it's given me more compassion and empathy than I know what to do with sometimes, and it's really sharpened my problem-solving skills. But there are days when being blind, as with any other feature we have, works against us, and it really sucks. Call it an inaccessible environment or a disabling condition, but it can just suck either way. The fact that you feel as though you're constantly being scrutinized (whether by yourself or the "normalizing" gaze of others; the fact that that you're not really "allowed" to be disabled and mediocre--that you have to be disabled and brilliant and extremely well-adjusted and jump through hoops and do all your own cooking and charge about the world unassisted--hell, that gets so, so incredibly exhausting sometimes. And the war we wage in our own heads is often far more harmful than anything an external source can do to us. But yeah, my heart is breaking right now. We're all carrying on as though nothing has happened--in that everyone's still chatting and laughing and going on routes, and a part of me wants to scream and cry and just, like, how can the world just be business as normal when someone's hurting so much? regardless of whether or not it was "right" or "necessary" or any adjective we pull out to justify something that's happened, it's still cathartic to just come together with the people who understand you the most and acknowledge just how hard a struggle it can be sometimes. We're allowed to complain. we're allowed to not be thrilled all the time, you know? But we all know how uncomfortable I am with my own public display of emotion, so I suppose, I, too, will go on with business as normal, and someone's heart will still be breaking.

5:06 Pm

After I wrote that last segment, Arden and I headed out on our route. Because I wanted to focus on our work in buildings, we worked in both the buildings we'd worked in yesterday, and he had very good carryover from yesterday's work (meaning that he remembered which things I had him target, and he'd target them again today). He's still a bit eager to skip the bottom step when going up, so we did a bit of reinforcing the bottom step. A minor issue, and probably one related to his legs being so long, but just something to keep my eye on.

Two noteworthy things happened during our route this morning; the first, most handlers with very little sight will be able to relate to. we had lined up to cross an intersection, and I gave my dog the forward command. We stepped out into the street, and were walking a straight line when my dog swerved us to the right and continued the crossing. I was about to correct him so as to regain our original line of travel, but my instructor told me that he was actually swerving around a sandwich board that had somehow made it into the middle of the street (contrary to popular belief, not all obstacles we encounter have been intentionally placed there by GDB!). Anyway, this poses what I think is the quintessential dilemma for guide dog handlers who have little to no sight (and handlers with sight, please chime in if you can relate). When we have a straight line of travel, and the dog veers, it's very difficult to tell if it's veering for guiding purposes or out of "personal interest" or distraction. I know this does get slightly better with time and with the increased awareness of your dog's unique cues (your distracted dog will, for instance, behave differently from his non-distracted self). But even still, it happens to us time and time again--the dog swerves and we correct them needlessly because they've actually avoided an obstacle--or they swerve, and wanting to do what we were told and follow them properly, we trust and find ourselves all sniffing a tree or some random stranger. There isn't exactly a solution to this issue, but it's definitely an ongoing one.

We had just finished a crossing when my dog looked to the left, paused slightly, and continued walking. I could hear voices to the left where he'd been looking, and praised him verbally for passing the chatty people

"Shermeen, stop your dog and give him some kibble right now. he just walked past A, his trainer for you."

I halted instantly and basically unloaded my bate pouch into my dog's mouth. My instructor said he had looked at his trainer, but then gazed ahead again purposefully, as if to say, "This is a tough one, but I'm working."

I'd also wanted to chat to his trainer though, just to talk about how great he is and to check with his trainer for anything I should know, so my instructor called his trainer over just briefly for an introduction. And my dog went nuts. He nearly lunged out of my hand and his front paws were clear up on her shoulder. I've never seen him so happy! My momentary flash of jealousy was quickly replaced by hope: if he reacts that strongly to his trainer, maybe he'll react that strongly to me eventually! and hey, I probably got a dose of what it'll be like when he sees his puppy raisers! She and I chatted for a bit, agreeing that Arden was an angel dog. She confirmed that he was a breeze to train, and we agreed to set up a short meeting next week just so I could get more details (and let's be real-it'll be a chance to just sit with someone and brag about him!). So, I was super impressed with his ignoring her, and also so touched by his reaction to her! He's a bit of an emotionally reserved dog, and so I worried that he perhaps wasn't bonding with me. But like everything that's worth it in life, it takes time.

After we returned from our morning route, we headed to GDB's main campus for lunch and a chance to visit the gift shop. I ended up buying a few things: two textured nyla bones (the one Arden has now already resembles a war artifact you'd find in an archeological dig), a raincoat (it's blue!), another fleece mat that I can travel with so he'll always have a bed handy, two "buddy splash" body sprays (they smell like the fresh outdoors!), one leash luggage (a small bag that attaches to the back strap of the harness for poop bags), and I think that's all. I'd always imagined what it would be like to go to the gift shop, and so it was cool to actually go. Of course, almost nothing in the world is as you anticipate it, and often the excitement is in the anticipation itself. The exception, however, has been receiving Arden. No amount of anticipation could have outshined what it's been like to be with his yellow princehood.

Even still, I had a bit of a hard time at lunch for some personal reasons. My mood took a bit of a plummet, and although it was prompted by a few minor things, I reacted more strongly than I thought was appropriate. I spent much of lunch trying to convince myself not to cry, and I just felt so overwhelmed and irritated. My mood quickly lifted after lunch though, because it was time to take group and individual photos. When the person had taken my and Arden's picture, they all exclaimed that he was the most photogenic dog! His head was tilted just so, ears perked up, and he sat tall and proud, in all his yellow glory. It was perfect. I was told I could get a copy via e-mail, and that'll be posted here for sure.

After that, we headed to the mall to practise escalators. We put the dogs' booties on while sitting on a padded bench near the entrance so that they'd be ready to go. I can actually attach the boots right to the harness handle, just so I'm not ever near an escalator without having them handy. Arden seems to really like escalators; he just kept finding one after another! our first attempt at walking off the escalator ended up in hilarious debauchery, though.

"Now, as you feel the escalator is about to level out, grab the tail end of the leash in your left hand...yeah, sort of like that...and hook a finger under his collar, and say "ready? let's go!""

As the steps began evening out, I tried to do what she said. The leash ended up in a tangled, clustered knot in my left hand, as I frantically dove for any part of his collar I could reach. Before I knew it, it was time to get off and so I lurched gracelessly forward, dragging my befuddled dog haphazardly on my left side.

"Ready? Let's go!" I hollered a little too loudly, while flailing my right hand forward, nearly giving the unsuspecting person in front of me a glancing blow to the head. We sort of tumbled off the escalator and I turned to  my instructor.

"Wow, is that how you guys do it?"

"Not exactly."

"Yeah, that was kind of an epic disaster, eh?"

"It was ok, but let's talk through the steps. And next time, just a little less super hero on your part, ok? You looked like you were about to literally fly!"

We laughed a bit and she made fun of me some more, and then we did it again. There seem to be so  many steps! I'm used to just walking confidently off the escalator, sort of lifting the handle up and encouraging the dog to hop over the threshold. Anyway, the next five or six times around went much more smoothly. On our way back to the group, my dog turned and brought me to another padded bench, and presented it to me. I was so proud that he was finding things that looked like empty benches! so I food rewarded him, and gently told him to keep going. He's so thoughtful and pays more attention than I give him credit for! So, it ended up being a pretty decent day. I think I'm going to spend a quiet evening in my room with Sir Arden Goldendor The second. That is a very dignified title that suits him very well. and "the second" makes it doubly so, dontcha think?

8:44 Pm

I'm so, so tired. Not just in the physical exhaustion sense, but I'm just so psychologically and emotionally drained tonight. I feel like falling asleep while being gently cradled, crying quietly until my tears slow and my busy mind takes rest. I don't really know what comes over me so suddenly at times; I'm simultaneously more primitive and more complex than I think. I get all caught up in my own head, and then I remind myself that I have Arden, and that's what I came here for. And I love him so far. So I'll try and keep that thought at the forefront of my mind as I try and fall asleep tonight. It's just been one of those days where my interactions with the world have made me hate humanity just a little bit, and I'm irritated with myself even more. Hopefully, I won't feel as sad tomorrow. I had better not, in fact, because tomorrow morning we're doing traffic checks! For those of you who don't know what that entails, it involves an instructor driving a car in your immediate path. So, this could mean that they pull out of a driveway in front of you as you walk down the sidewalk, or it could also be a turning car as you begin to cross an intersection. The dog's job is to stop, or otherwise move in such a way so as to prevent both you and itself from being hit. One of the really neat things about GDB is that they use hybrid cars for this test--the reason being that often, when we blind handlers hear an idling car in front of us, or hear a car wildly swerve into our path, we instinctively don't allow the dog to stop us--we often just ream back on the harness in the basic interest of staying alive. You'd be hard pressed to find a handler who when they hear a screeching car, says "Tell you what. I'm not gonna stop, and I want to see what my dog will do." So, if we didn't trust our dogs until now, I sure hope this will be an exercise in just that! Basically, if you don't hear about my having been obliterated on the news tomorrow, Arden and I likely made it.

On that lovely note, I'm out for the night.