Training day 13

5:06 Pm

Wow, I don't think I've ever started a blog entry this late. It's been getting really hard to wake up in time to do pretty much anything in the mornings now, but I've kept close track of what goes on in my head, at least.

This morning, we went into San Anselmo to do what has been lovingly deemed the "right clearance route". It involves a relatively short walk through a quiet part of town, the main issues for the dog being really narrow sidewalks, and poles and other signs and such on the right hand side. Although Arden is fairly good and quite cautious with his clearances, I have noticed that occasionally, my right shoulder won't quite make it past a clearance. after confirming that his trainer wasn't, like, anorexic or something that would warrant or explain that, I asked my instructor if we could do a route that involved a lot of clearances. He did relatively well this morning, though he is certainly a bit bold when it comes to estimating whether or not we'll make it through a small space. So we had to rework a few of them, but after being shown, he picked it up really quickly. We also encountered a few dog distractions, and Arden received his first actually effective time out.

"see?" my instructor said, "It does work!"

"Haha! I've been here two full weeks now, and this was the first time it's ever worked!"

When we had walked past the dog that had been distracting Arden, the people behind us remarked "Did you just see that? She just stopped and stood there, and her dog just calmed down and kept going." I was like yeah, that's my boy.

So I've asked my instructor if we could do that route again. One of the most awesome feelings in the world is when your dog swerves you around something, and I want us to be amazing at it.

After that, we had enough time to head to the paddocks again to do some recall. This time, both Arden and Melissa's dog got to play together. We thought they would go completely nuts, and although they played a bit, it was actually quite tame. I think Arden kept chiding Melissa's dog, provoking him to play, but he didn't end up being very interested. I also thought Arden's recall would go out the window in the presence of other dogs, and I was really impressed at how good it actually was! Often, he'd play for a while, and then just go lay down in front of my chair, even if I wasn't in it! how cute is that!

When we got back to the hotel, my instructor and I chatted in my room for a while. I showed her how well Arden knows the "go to bed" command, and she was impressed. It just involves my telling the dog to "go to bed" and him making a beeline for his carpet. This comes in really handy, say, if someone is coming to the door. You don't always want your dog underfoot when pizza is being delivered, that type of thing. We also played around and tried to teach Arden how to walk into the harness all by himself! The first few times, he just poked his yellow head around the side of it and got the treat anyway, but after a few tries, and a few well-timed clicks, he was putting his head right through the loop. Eventually, we'll make it an art form!

After lunch, I headed off to the pool with two of my classmates and we soaked up some sun. Although we're not allowed to bring the dogs to the pool area, it was great to just relax and lie around, because heaven knows we don't do enough of that around here!

After dinner, those of us who have IPhones are going to get together in my bedroom and chat all about apps--suggesting the ones we like and playing with each other's phones. It should be fun!

6:49 Pm

Ok, so I was sitting here a little while ago, playing on my computer, Arden resting quietly beside my chair. Suddenly, he sprang up, and began an insane sniffing spree around the stuffed chair by my bedroom door. I told him to lie down again, and he did, only to spring back and aim his nose back in the direction of the stuffed chair. I paused my typing for a second and to my utter horror, heard, like, beating wings or tiny footsteps or whatever on god's green earth that thing was doing.

I quickly put the dog on tie-down and beat a path to the nurse's office that would make you think I'm an Olympic runner.

"There's something in my room." I blurted out as soon as she opened the door. "It's alive, and it's not me or my dog. Do you have a gun?"

"I'm going to get security! Was it big? I don't know if I'm the right person for this!"

Thankfully, security was ambling down the breezeway. We both turned to her.

"There's something in her room!" the nurse told her.

"Can you please come and bring your gun?" I asked importantly.

The three of us walked over, and I screamed as soon as she opened the door.

"Ha, nothing's even happened yet!" the security guard told me. I imagine that I'd already lost any and all credibility by this point, but I swear I heard something. They scoured the room, and turned up nothing.

"Even if it's still in here," the security guard said, "it's probably just a lizard."

"Oh, well that makes it all better then." I said dryly.

"They're so cute though! They don't bite or anything!"

"It doesn't matter!" I nearly shrieked, and we all laughed. I had like three other sighted people come into my room to make sure Arden and I were the only breathing creatures in it, and so far so good.

Goodnight!

My Classmates and I Enjoyed McCinnis Park with Our Dogs

Shermeen and Arden sitting between two of her classmates at McCinnis Park.

Training day 12

6:28 AM

Oh wow, it's getting harder and harder to wake myself up in the mornings, despite my attempts to go to sleep before 10:00. Maybe tonight, I'll try and sleep after the 8:30 relieve. I'm getting to the point where I'm getting a little stir-crazy--a bit restless, and like I want to go home, only I know that there's more work I want to do with Arden. Speaking of Arden, I have a confession to make. He got up on the bed yesterday because someone called him up onto it, and that same person snuggled with him for about twenty minutes before sending him back down. I asked her what on earth she was thinking, and her response was simply that she couldn't help it. What lack of discipline, eh?

So as I mentioned yesterday, we're heading into the big city this morning--which city that is exactly referring to I'm not sure (I'm assuming Sanfransisco is a possibility), but our instructor said she doesn't want to thrust us into the heart of downtown just yet, which sounds just fine by me.

2:50 Pm

So as planned, we headed into sanfransisco this morning. Rather than charging into the midst of its downtown core, we worked a nice route on Chestnut street (for those of you who know the area). I know the name "Chestnut street" likely evokes an image of a quiet, tree-lined street with sprawling lawns and laughing children, but it's actually a fairly busy street with heavy traffic and lots of businesses. Arden was a bit distracted this morning, as in he was looking around a fair bit. having said that, he didn't really let it interfere with his guiding. we walked a little too close when following people sometimes, and we had to rework a clearance or two, but I was overall impressed. I do want to do some more work in the big city though, just to get him used to pedestrian and traffic-heavy settings. He also did a neat little traffic check for me when a car (very rudely) turned in front of us before we could approach our upcurb.

We also had a chance to ride the city bus. The buses here are weird, in that the seating immediately close to the front isn't hollow underneath so as to easily tuck the dog under. In Ontario, most of the buses are designed so that the front of the bus has seats that are not only hollow underneath, but they can lift up as well so as to let a person with a stroller or wheelchair park themselves out of the isle. Still, my dog sat all tall and regal between my knees, and the sun streaming through the windows kept gleaming on his shiny yellow coat.

"That's a nice dog you've got there," a guy across the isle remarked, "so clean." (so clean?)

"Thanks." I replied.

"How much does that dog cost, anyway?" He went on. I always think that's such a weird question, a) because they're not exactly for purchase; and b) it's very difficult to quantify their worth.

"Well, they're quite priceless, I think." I said.

"What do you mean?" He asked, surprised.

I just didn't answer, but that wasn't going to stop him.

"So clean! just so clean!" I just smiled and nodded.

"So, are you the trainer?" he asked me.

"No, I'm the handler." I answered.

"The what?"

"Like, it's my dog. I work with him."

"Oh, so you're not a trainer?"

"Nope, I actually use him."

"But you're not blind!" he sputtered.

"I actually am. She's the trainer." I turned towards my instructor, who sat next to me, amused.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" he exclaimed.

"It's ok," I answered, "It's not your fault."

"So clean!" he exclaimed again, as he headed off the bus. I'm not really sure if he was expecting to see a dog coated in manure and dirt on the bus, but the comment was kind of strange. Ah well, he was pretty well-intended, I suppose. It could have been much worse. And it was entertaining, which is always a plus.

After having lunch at the lounge, our small group headed over to McInnis Park, which had a very nice gravel walking path in it. Arden and I took off, and found ourselves yards and yards ahead of the group. We walked along the trail, keeping along the right hand side so as to let people pass on the left, though we didn't pass anyone. As we walked, all I could hear were the sounds of our feet on gravel, his quiet panting, and a bubbling stream next to us. There were no obstacles; no traffic decisions to make; no directions to remember. I straightened my back and lifted my face to the wind, and we soaked up the sun and just walked. Our pace and rhythm was perfect, and I want so much to commit that moment to memory. It was one of those times when you think to yourself "this. This is why I got a guide dog." Walking with him is the closest I'll ever come to being sighted, and it's perfect. As we walked, I could hear small animals skittering about in the bushes and in the branches. Because my dog has some golden in him, these things are often of at least passing interest to him, but he remained focused and alert, not even sniffing any of the grass or bushes that lined the trail. he even guided me over to a bench! My two classmates and I ended up sitting there and chatting with our instructor for a bit, took a few pictures, and headed back. Now I'm sitting in my air-conditioned room and Arden and I are cooling off. This afternoon was just so perfect-probably the most fun and relaxing afternoon I've had since coming here. I can't tell you how much anxiety I have when I know there are expectations of me--but this afternoon there were none, and it was indeed a walk to remember.

3:51 Pm

Wow, that was intense. so remember the canvas crate I bought for Arden? My instructor offered to come and help me learn how to set it up, and also how to take it down. Setting it up was a breeze; the poles snapped nicely into place, and in the blink of an eye (and with a bit of grunting), the crate was up and functional in no time. we stood back and admired our work.

"I think I want one for my dog!" she exclaimed.

"I know, isn't it great?" I ran my hands over it, admiring it too.

"Let's try to take it down now."

And that's when the trouble began. For some reason, it just wouldn't fold up as nicely--the one side of it just refused to lie down nicely into the other side. We couldn't figure out why it kept getting stuck. A few minutes later, we were both sweating and panting, trying to gently jam poles this way and that way, muttering and grumbling. All of a sudden, it collapsed nicely into its perfectly folded formation.

"How did that even happen!" we both shouted. We righted the crate again, and took it down again, one step at a time. We finally figured out that the hinges that connected the two poles had to be pressed right back into the corners (I know this sounds needlessly complicated and detailed, I'm sorry), and it finally worked. It's wonderful!

after that, we headed to the exercise room here, so that Arden could practise his down-stay while I worked out on a bike. At the gym I go to, there isn't always a place to tie the dog up while I'm working out, and although I make sure that I'm very close to the dog, I can't always have him tied right next to me. So we had him lay down nicely, clicking his really good downstays. and he did really well as I panted and sweated up yet another storm on the bike.

7:04 Pm

I just got back from a lecture on GDB's veterinary financial assistance program. It's designed to help GDB graduates with vet care that they might not be able to afford. The priority is always the dog's health and well-being, and GDB does not want to see any dog go without treatments or health maintenance simply because the handler doesn't have the funds to afford it. I think it's really quite remarkable that a not-for-profit organization is reaching out to its graduates in that capacity; it really seems unrivalled, and is such an honourable commitment to make. One of the great things about the program is that the graduate chooses how much help he or she needs from GDB. So if you need to swing by the vet to pick up some stomach medication and you know you can afford it, you can just pay for it yourself and not have GDB reimburse you. I admit I was afraid that people would readily take advantage of the reimbursement program, but was impressed at how much of the vet costs a lot of people absorb themselves. People only seem to use it when they really need it, which likewise reflects really well on GDB's grads. I'm really relieved to know that my dog will be taken care of regardless of how poor I am!

I plan on going to bed after the 8:30 relieve tonight, so I'm going to close for now. Tomorrow, we're going to go into a city called San Anselmo (sp?) to do a route that involves a lot of obstacles. I'm actually really looking forward to it, because nothing feels more awesome than your dog swerving you around something!

Goodnight, everyone. And thanks again for reading. I likely wouldn't write otherwise.

Training day 11

9:04 AM

Yeah, so I ended up waking up at 7:00 this morning--I did it on purpose, though. My alarm originally went off at 6:00, and my body was like "nope, not happening" and I slept for another hour. Of course this meant I took my dog out a little late to relieve, and as the door clicked shut behind me, I realized I had left my key access card in the bedroom. I ended up pounding on the doors of a few of my classmates, and the instructor ended up letting me back in.

9:47 Am

We just finished our lecture on total barricades and traffic encounters. I'd write more, but I'm a bit nervous, as we're about to head out for our traffic routes. Cue the supervisor trying to kill us!

12:29 Pm

Ok, I'm sorry for the brevity of that last segment; as you might be able to imagine, I was a bit nervous, especially after our lecture. Anyway, we went on our route, and my instructor walked alongside me. She didn't tell me when the traffic checks would occur, but she did make all the traffic crossing decisions for me, i.e. telling me when to cross each street. Anyway, Arden did brilliantly; there were moments (after I'd finished cussing and my heart had settled back in my body) that I wanted to kneel on the ground and cry into his fur because of how awesome he is. The supervisor did everything: from pulling out in front of us while we were walking down the sidewalk, to making a right hand turn on a street just after I'd given the dog the forward command to cross. He even backed right into us, causing my dog to have to back up, all while making sure the path was clear for me to back up as well. Arden was a star, and my instructor told me that I also did a good job at following him, as well as staying calm (though I think she was probably humouring me; it's hard to stay calm when there's like, a hit man on the road trying to kill you). During our lecture, they asked us "Now, when you encounter a car parked across the sidewalk in front of you, why do you think it's best to go around the car on the side of the street and not the driveway?"

"You could end up in someone's garage?" Someone suggested.

"There might not be enough room." someone else chimed in.

"Yeah, and you don't want to be stumbling on random peoples' property," I added, "and if you're in Florida, they might just even shoot you!"

I haven't encountered any gun-toting rednecks out here, but I'm told they aren't in California all that much haha.

anyway, my dog did amazingly well, and didn't even seem all that phased by the "traffic encounters" as they call it. I'm always amazed at how reliable he is. Because I've been hit by a car before, and because I already have a very active fear of being hit, doing this exercise was very, very scary for me. I know it was supposed to be a bit fun (as well as showing us how awesome our dogs are), but it so closely resembles things that happen on a regular basis that  it makes me just want to crawl out of my skin. I'm one of those people who's aware of my own mortality to an almost invasive extent; I am always aware that I could die at any given  moment, and am constantly terrified that my loved ones will die. I'm not really sure where it comes from, but travelling around and exposing myself to thousand pound machines that are hurtling about at insane speeds does very little to ease my fears. Having said all of that, he did wonderfully, and really did not seem at all phased. After I returned from the traffic route, I did exactly what felt natural: I kneeled next to my dog and clung to him. he just stood calmly, licking my lips and wondering why I was squeezing him so hard. I wanted to sing this song to him:

Thank you for loving me; for being my eyes, when I couldn't see. For parting my lips when I couldn't breathe...thank you for loving me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eesZBfTj0cU

After lunch, we headed to a petco, where all of our dogs were super distracted. It didn't really help matters that there was a dog obedience class going on there at the same time. Have I told you guys how much Arden comes alive around other dogs? Although I wish he weren't so interested, I actually prefer his dog distractions over a need to interact with strangers (because I typically encounter more people than dogs) so that's ok. Anyway, I bought him a toy he seemed to be interested in, and then we headed out. When I went to Petco this last weekend, I saw a crate there that I thought would be good for my dog; it was a canvas one, and it was also portable. But apparently Petco doesn't carry one that's big enough for my dog, which is kind of strange. Like I know he's the biggest boy in class, but 75 pounds is certainly not huge or "plus sized". My instructor ended up calling another pet place (I think it's called Pet Food extreme?) and the woman there said they had a crate that was "huge". So we headed over there, and I actually ended up purchasing it. It's made by noz2noz, and is really awesome. Arden loved it in the store! I'm still trying to convince myself to be ok with the fact that he seems to love his crate.

After that, we went to the fenced in paddocks on GDB's main campus. There, we got to practise recall. Arden was really good at it like I suspected he might be, though I think things will be markedly different once we add another dog into the situation. Melissa felt similarly about her dog--both our dogs love other dogs, so we're interested in seeing if they'll be able to disentangle themselves at all once they're actually with each other. We'll be going there again next week so as to let the dogs play together--some of the people who I'm close to are dog handlers, so it's likely that my dog will play with their dogs, and I'd like to see how he does when something more compelling than me (tear tear) is added to the fray!

I intend on going for a drink with a classmate in a bit, and then want to call it an early night. But how many times have I said that? ugh.

8:49 Pm

I've just gotten back from a very pleasant and much needed chat with a classmate of mine whom I respect a lot and want to get to know better. She and I both agreed that we want to do it more often. It's not often that you have such a genuine connection with someone, so I'm glad to say that I have. And with that, and with a long and lingering hug from my friend "Cab", I'm off for the night. Tomorrow we head into "the big city"!

Training day 10

6:27 AM

Ok, I forgot to mention yesterday that we didn't actually end up doing escalators; we'll be going to the mall this afternoon, and doing them then. We were told that the dogs need to wear booties on only their back feet for the escalator, and not on all four like I'd originally thought. Dogs wearing booties on escalators is relatively new, actually. apparently there were a small minority of instances where the pads of the dog's feet would get pinched between the metal slats of the moving floor, and, well, you can imagine what followed. The vast majority of people and dogs have absolutely no problem with them, but I'd rather pause and put booties on my boy's back feet than sit there in the midst of a horror-stricken crowd while my dog bleeds all over the place. I thought of being all rebellious and perhaps bending the booties rule a bit, but I know that with my luck, the day I choose not to put booties on his feet, something bad'll happen and I won't exactly be able to get GDB to help. So, booties on his back feet it is! :).

This morning we'll be heading to the lounge to do a route, and will likely focus on specific things (for some people it'll be buildings, for others it'll be pace, etc.). I'd really like to go back to the buildings Arden and I visited, and do some more walking in hallways and targeting doors and the like. After that, we'll be going to GDB's actual campus for lunch. The GDB gift shop is there, so we'll also be able to do some shopping! (I'm really going to need to exercise some of that self-control I don't have). Then we get photos taken for our ID cards. I have two shirts I can't decide between for the photo...maybe I'll get someone to also get a picture of us with my phone and post it here at some point. And then it's off to the mall we go!

10:05 AM

I am writing this entry with much sadness in my heart. One of our classmates is going home today. That's all I'll say regarding the situation specifically, but it really, really sucks. You know, there are times when being blind is awesome: it's allowed me to forge connections and relationships with people that are of such depth and mutual understanding that I'm left inarticulate with gratitude; it's given me more compassion and empathy than I know what to do with sometimes, and it's really sharpened my problem-solving skills. But there are days when being blind, as with any other feature we have, works against us, and it really sucks. Call it an inaccessible environment or a disabling condition, but it can just suck either way. The fact that you feel as though you're constantly being scrutinized (whether by yourself or the "normalizing" gaze of others; the fact that that you're not really "allowed" to be disabled and mediocre--that you have to be disabled and brilliant and extremely well-adjusted and jump through hoops and do all your own cooking and charge about the world unassisted--hell, that gets so, so incredibly exhausting sometimes. And the war we wage in our own heads is often far more harmful than anything an external source can do to us. But yeah, my heart is breaking right now. We're all carrying on as though nothing has happened--in that everyone's still chatting and laughing and going on routes, and a part of me wants to scream and cry and just, like, how can the world just be business as normal when someone's hurting so much? regardless of whether or not it was "right" or "necessary" or any adjective we pull out to justify something that's happened, it's still cathartic to just come together with the people who understand you the most and acknowledge just how hard a struggle it can be sometimes. We're allowed to complain. we're allowed to not be thrilled all the time, you know? But we all know how uncomfortable I am with my own public display of emotion, so I suppose, I, too, will go on with business as normal, and someone's heart will still be breaking.

5:06 Pm

After I wrote that last segment, Arden and I headed out on our route. Because I wanted to focus on our work in buildings, we worked in both the buildings we'd worked in yesterday, and he had very good carryover from yesterday's work (meaning that he remembered which things I had him target, and he'd target them again today). He's still a bit eager to skip the bottom step when going up, so we did a bit of reinforcing the bottom step. A minor issue, and probably one related to his legs being so long, but just something to keep my eye on.

Two noteworthy things happened during our route this morning; the first, most handlers with very little sight will be able to relate to. we had lined up to cross an intersection, and I gave my dog the forward command. We stepped out into the street, and were walking a straight line when my dog swerved us to the right and continued the crossing. I was about to correct him so as to regain our original line of travel, but my instructor told me that he was actually swerving around a sandwich board that had somehow made it into the middle of the street (contrary to popular belief, not all obstacles we encounter have been intentionally placed there by GDB!). Anyway, this poses what I think is the quintessential dilemma for guide dog handlers who have little to no sight (and handlers with sight, please chime in if you can relate). When we have a straight line of travel, and the dog veers, it's very difficult to tell if it's veering for guiding purposes or out of "personal interest" or distraction. I know this does get slightly better with time and with the increased awareness of your dog's unique cues (your distracted dog will, for instance, behave differently from his non-distracted self). But even still, it happens to us time and time again--the dog swerves and we correct them needlessly because they've actually avoided an obstacle--or they swerve, and wanting to do what we were told and follow them properly, we trust and find ourselves all sniffing a tree or some random stranger. There isn't exactly a solution to this issue, but it's definitely an ongoing one.

We had just finished a crossing when my dog looked to the left, paused slightly, and continued walking. I could hear voices to the left where he'd been looking, and praised him verbally for passing the chatty people

"Shermeen, stop your dog and give him some kibble right now. he just walked past A, his trainer for you."

I halted instantly and basically unloaded my bate pouch into my dog's mouth. My instructor said he had looked at his trainer, but then gazed ahead again purposefully, as if to say, "This is a tough one, but I'm working."

I'd also wanted to chat to his trainer though, just to talk about how great he is and to check with his trainer for anything I should know, so my instructor called his trainer over just briefly for an introduction. And my dog went nuts. He nearly lunged out of my hand and his front paws were clear up on her shoulder. I've never seen him so happy! My momentary flash of jealousy was quickly replaced by hope: if he reacts that strongly to his trainer, maybe he'll react that strongly to me eventually! and hey, I probably got a dose of what it'll be like when he sees his puppy raisers! She and I chatted for a bit, agreeing that Arden was an angel dog. She confirmed that he was a breeze to train, and we agreed to set up a short meeting next week just so I could get more details (and let's be real-it'll be a chance to just sit with someone and brag about him!). So, I was super impressed with his ignoring her, and also so touched by his reaction to her! He's a bit of an emotionally reserved dog, and so I worried that he perhaps wasn't bonding with me. But like everything that's worth it in life, it takes time.

After we returned from our morning route, we headed to GDB's main campus for lunch and a chance to visit the gift shop. I ended up buying a few things: two textured nyla bones (the one Arden has now already resembles a war artifact you'd find in an archeological dig), a raincoat (it's blue!), another fleece mat that I can travel with so he'll always have a bed handy, two "buddy splash" body sprays (they smell like the fresh outdoors!), one leash luggage (a small bag that attaches to the back strap of the harness for poop bags), and I think that's all. I'd always imagined what it would be like to go to the gift shop, and so it was cool to actually go. Of course, almost nothing in the world is as you anticipate it, and often the excitement is in the anticipation itself. The exception, however, has been receiving Arden. No amount of anticipation could have outshined what it's been like to be with his yellow princehood.

Even still, I had a bit of a hard time at lunch for some personal reasons. My mood took a bit of a plummet, and although it was prompted by a few minor things, I reacted more strongly than I thought was appropriate. I spent much of lunch trying to convince myself not to cry, and I just felt so overwhelmed and irritated. My mood quickly lifted after lunch though, because it was time to take group and individual photos. When the person had taken my and Arden's picture, they all exclaimed that he was the most photogenic dog! His head was tilted just so, ears perked up, and he sat tall and proud, in all his yellow glory. It was perfect. I was told I could get a copy via e-mail, and that'll be posted here for sure.

After that, we headed to the mall to practise escalators. We put the dogs' booties on while sitting on a padded bench near the entrance so that they'd be ready to go. I can actually attach the boots right to the harness handle, just so I'm not ever near an escalator without having them handy. Arden seems to really like escalators; he just kept finding one after another! our first attempt at walking off the escalator ended up in hilarious debauchery, though.

"Now, as you feel the escalator is about to level out, grab the tail end of the leash in your left hand...yeah, sort of like that...and hook a finger under his collar, and say "ready? let's go!""

As the steps began evening out, I tried to do what she said. The leash ended up in a tangled, clustered knot in my left hand, as I frantically dove for any part of his collar I could reach. Before I knew it, it was time to get off and so I lurched gracelessly forward, dragging my befuddled dog haphazardly on my left side.

"Ready? Let's go!" I hollered a little too loudly, while flailing my right hand forward, nearly giving the unsuspecting person in front of me a glancing blow to the head. We sort of tumbled off the escalator and I turned to  my instructor.

"Wow, is that how you guys do it?"

"Not exactly."

"Yeah, that was kind of an epic disaster, eh?"

"It was ok, but let's talk through the steps. And next time, just a little less super hero on your part, ok? You looked like you were about to literally fly!"

We laughed a bit and she made fun of me some more, and then we did it again. There seem to be so  many steps! I'm used to just walking confidently off the escalator, sort of lifting the handle up and encouraging the dog to hop over the threshold. Anyway, the next five or six times around went much more smoothly. On our way back to the group, my dog turned and brought me to another padded bench, and presented it to me. I was so proud that he was finding things that looked like empty benches! so I food rewarded him, and gently told him to keep going. He's so thoughtful and pays more attention than I give him credit for! So, it ended up being a pretty decent day. I think I'm going to spend a quiet evening in my room with Sir Arden Goldendor The second. That is a very dignified title that suits him very well. and "the second" makes it doubly so, dontcha think?

8:44 Pm

I'm so, so tired. Not just in the physical exhaustion sense, but I'm just so psychologically and emotionally drained tonight. I feel like falling asleep while being gently cradled, crying quietly until my tears slow and my busy mind takes rest. I don't really know what comes over me so suddenly at times; I'm simultaneously more primitive and more complex than I think. I get all caught up in my own head, and then I remind myself that I have Arden, and that's what I came here for. And I love him so far. So I'll try and keep that thought at the forefront of my mind as I try and fall asleep tonight. It's just been one of those days where my interactions with the world have made me hate humanity just a little bit, and I'm irritated with myself even more. Hopefully, I won't feel as sad tomorrow. I had better not, in fact, because tomorrow morning we're doing traffic checks! For those of you who don't know what that entails, it involves an instructor driving a car in your immediate path. So, this could mean that they pull out of a driveway in front of you as you walk down the sidewalk, or it could also be a turning car as you begin to cross an intersection. The dog's job is to stop, or otherwise move in such a way so as to prevent both you and itself from being hit. One of the really neat things about GDB is that they use hybrid cars for this test--the reason being that often, when we blind handlers hear an idling car in front of us, or hear a car wildly swerve into our path, we instinctively don't allow the dog to stop us--we often just ream back on the harness in the basic interest of staying alive. You'd be hard pressed to find a handler who when they hear a screeching car, says "Tell you what. I'm not gonna stop, and I want to see what my dog will do." So, if we didn't trust our dogs until now, I sure hope this will be an exercise in just that! Basically, if you don't hear about my having been obliterated on the news tomorrow, Arden and I likely made it.

On that lovely note, I'm out for the night.

Training day 9

6:27 AM

I read quite a bit before falling asleep last night, which would explain the difficulty in waking up this morning. The book was really good (It's called "Rules of Civility"), and I had the heating pad wrapped around my stupid knee. Speaking of which, it seems slightly better this morning, but we'll just have to see as the day goes. It still hurts when it's bent, just not nearly as badly. I'm going to reframe from kneeling today, not that that's something I do very often anyway.

Arden seems to be warming up to me, guys! Now, when I wake up and approach him, he's wagging his tail and going for his bone and making all sorts of very cute snuffling noises that are still very dignified and ardenesque.

Alright, off to get dressed, get breakfast, and then do work in buildings! Yes, this means my yellow prince will be riding an escalator with his boots on!

11:39 AM

Ok, so this morning we did buildings. We actually did a short route to the first building, which was basically walking in a straight line. The walk to the building was pretty good--we worked past a dog distraction, and I used a technique that I've honed over the years. as we approached the dog, I could tell he was a bit interested, but not overly distracted. I began to very purposefully clear my throat, and his head snapped forward again, and he expertly guided me right around the distraction. There were also a ton of GDB training vans parked along the street, which was cause for a bit of visual distraction on the part of Sir Arden. He didn't actually stop at them though, which was wonderful. As we approached the first building, a dog my instructor didn't trust was chilling on the sidewalk, lunging about all rabid and insane. Instead of having my dog work past him, she had me take her arm and heel him past the distraction. as we suspected, the weird dog sort of lunched toward my dog, and I firmly grabbed my dog's leash close to his collar and quickly walked on.

He's so funny when we approach stairs going up. They're supposed to just place their front paws on the bottom step, so that their body arches upwards slightly, alerting you to the bottom step. well, my dog's so tall and a bit eager to find stairs, and he always places his front paws on the second step! so we stop, and here he is, looming all giant-like and standing perfectly still. As cute as it was, I do prefer for his front paws to be on the first step, so we reworked it and he did well. In the building itself, he was targeting all sorts of things: elevators, stairs, doorways. Although he wouldn't always find exactly what it was I was asking for, he would always find something that was important. and it's not like the word "elevator" is firmly ensconced in their vocabulary or anything, so the fact that my dog was at least finding things that I would find important in a building was really useful. He is also very, very careful when going down stairs, stopping at all landings and being very cautious. I'll jump at the chance to do some more work in buildings, because I want him to be really comfortable working in them.

We then headed back to the lounge, and he again did very well at completely ignoring a stranger (ahem, another trainer) who was going all nuts over him and trying to attract him to her. We had to pattern him with kibble a bit to get him to turn into the lounge driveway, but he's also got that down pat. So, all in all, a good route. Not nearly as perfect as some of the others, but still a solid route.

2:43 Pm

So at lunch, something really funny happened. One of my classmates managed to get our attention.

"Guys," she said, "I can actually bark like a dog."

"Really?" We were skeptical; everyone can make dog-barking noises.

"Should I do it? Will I get in trouble?"

We all encouraged her to do it, thinking it would be largely inconsequential. When she did it, I could have sworn to anything in the world that there was a small Chihuahua in the room. And the dogs reacted, too! Most of them stood up (including sir Arden), and inched forward. It was the most accurate dog impression I've ever heard in my life. we're going to get her to hide behind a couch in the lounge one day, and have the class supervisor come in. It'll mess with his head a bit, I think.

After lunch, we had a brief lecture from someone in the development department. he talked to us about donations, and just how it is people can go about soliciting them, or even how people can include GDB in their will. There's also a GDB legacy society, comprised of people who've intended to GDB that they'll be somehow included in their estate upon their death (the donor's death, not GDB's! long live GDB!).

Anyway, I wrote that all in a hurry because I just finished the clicker workshop! we had to crate the dogs while we learned how to use the clicker, because a) we actually had to learn how to use them; and b) we needed to get all the clicking out of our system. Believe me, as soon as I had that little clicker in my hand, I was click click clicking to my heart's content. So we actually got to practise clicking on wheeler.

In short, the clicker is used to reward the dog for a very precise action. So, as soon as your dog, say, targets something you want it to, you click, and then reward with food. Similar to how Pavlov's bells got the dogs to drool in anticipation of food, the clicker signals an oncoming treat. You start by getting the dog to target your closed fist, which  most dogs are actually very willing to do; it's sort of like a freebie reward to the dog, and sets the dog up. Then, you use that same fist and place it against the actual thing you want your dog to target. You keep repeating it, gradually increasing the distance until your dog is showing you the target, instead of you showing the dog the target. The clicker isn't only used for finding things, although that's one of its more popular uses. I know it's a bit confusing, so if you have any questions, I'll do my best to answer them. It seems to be effective, but I suppose we'll see when we take the dogs for a clicker test drive! I'm really excited!

4:04 Pm

We just got back from our clicker walk. We walked to an outdoor courtyard that's very open-concept, and has a lot of outdoor seating. Our target was a bench, and so we had the dog target it. He worked like a charm! It was not long before he was just finding the bench of his own accord, with a simple "find the bench" command from me. Now, we were of course teaching him to target that specific bench--not anything that looks like a seat or a bench in general. If I wanted, I would target more and more seats, each time telling him to "find the bench". The goal would eventually be for him to find anything that resembles a seating surface. On our way back to the lounge, his pace was a bit slow, but it was also because it's disgustingly hot out. At his slowest pace though, his pace is still acceptable to me. The great thing about him is that he doesn't dawdle, basically ever. Even when he's walking slow, his guiding remains purposeful and he remains alert. He even skillfully ignored a cat and several random strangers who were of a rather "colourful" character.

One thing I noticed about Arden that I love so much is that he seems to always walk on the socially appropriate sides of things--down the right sides of hallways, closer to the right of the sidewalk. When people pass us by, it's usually on my left, which is generally how I want it. Some dogs sort of drift around, or even walk against the flow of pedestrian traffic, and in my experience, there's not all that much you can do about that. But to noone's surprise, he's very socially appropriate! haha, we passed this one place called the "aroma" something or other, and he was pretty determined to take me into it. My instructor told me that when I talk to his trainer, I should ask her if she ever took him there!

She also said that my dog is hard on himself. When he makes a mistake, or if we have to re-work something, he begins licking his lips and sort of gazes up at me apologetically--her words, not mine. She thinks we're both hard on ourselves! how cute is that!

6:40 PM

Forty minutes ago, I sat with my dog on a rug here in my bedroom. He snuggled up to me, lay his head and upper body in my lap, and went to sleep. about fifteen minutes later, I was about to get up, but then he let out one of those long, drawn-out, "I'm so relaxed and content with my life" sighs, and I could not move a muscle. So I sat there, eventually slouching because I couldn't sit straight any longer, and felt the weight of his beautiful, warm body against my lap. And I stroked his ears and ran my fingers through his fur. I knew I wouldn't be getting myself up any time soon; the moment was one of those magical ones, and you know that you'll spoil it even if you lean over to scratch an itch, or even if you breathe too deeply. So I sat with him, and I sang to him. I sang "A Thousand years", and also Billy Joel's "And so it goes", which is here:

While I sat there, I thought about the millions of ways in which Arden has changed my life. And it's not as though he's even my first dog, so I can't really explain why I melt into a Shermeen puddle every time I think about him. He's just so earnest, so purposeful, and so, so incredibly kind and gentle. And I want to handle him with the hands of an angel, even though mine are unskilled and a bit tentative at best. I want to give him everything he's given me and more, and sometimes I just feel so ill-equipped. I'm no dog whisperer; hell, I didn't even like dogs until recently. I've said it before and I'll say it again: he owns me.

I'm going to go to the hot tub in a bit with some friends in a bit. Rumour has it that Shiraz and cab may also be in town, so whaddaya know? Nothing like a bit of imbibement!

8:12 pm

 Hanging out in the hot tub was relaxing, as I expected. I didn't end up getting a drink, but that was more than made up for by the great conversations I had with a few of my classmates. I'm going to relieve this big beast soon, and then head to bed as early as possible. even when I sleep at 10:00, I'm having difficulty waking up at 6:00, which is kind of ridiculous. Goodnight, everyone. And thanks again for following along and caring.

Training day 8

6:26 AM

Man, that massage last night can only be described as epic. I was a little leery when I opened the door to find a fully sighted man on the other side of the threshold, but I was very quickly put at ease. He certainly wasn't the overly-masculine jock type, who I would have (unfairly, perhaps) thought wasn't really the "massage-giving" type, at least not the family-friendly variety! But it all went very well. It was a "real" massage, in that the whole experience was not meant to relax me and make me feel wonderful. He definitely hit on some sore or tight spots, and I almost had to grit my teeth while I let him work them out. I woke up with not a single muscle pain this morning though, so he must have done something right! It was funny, because I kept trying to initiate conversation with him, and he kept giving me short answers. I always feel as though I should chat to the people who are doing things to me (my hair, my waxing, massages) so as to make it worth their while. But he was one of those involved, relaxed types who really just let me relax and enjoy the experience. And as soon as he was done, I headed straight to bed and went to sleep. Thankfully, the night was uneventful, and now I'm going to get dressed and start this day. I'm already getting a bit nervous as to how it'll pan out, but it could be worse.

1:07 Pm

This morning, we went back to the downtown lounge and did our routes again. This time though, we stayed at our destination. Melissa and I have the same destination, so we got to hang out for a bit, gossip, all that girly stuff.

Arden did very well on the route. I'm impressed because instead of getting bored, he's only becoming more confident. Our turns are becoming a lot smoother (with a few glaring exceptions, of course), and I'm more and more confident about his obstacle clearances. He's weaving me around things beautifully, and I've been careful not to crowd his paws, because in the past, I've had a tendency to do that. My instructor's keeping an eye on it, but so far I've been a good follower (if only my parents thought so, too!). We even approached another classmate and their dog head on, and my dog didn't so much as give the other dog a passing sniff--just held his yellow head high and proud and moved on. I was actually pleasantly surprised, since dogs are a bit of a weakness for my yellow prince. Not this time, though. Not this time! And when I say weakness, it's in the context of his personality. So there isn't any dramatic lunging or flinging his weight about (he certainly doesn't act as if he's 75 pounds, or else we'd probably have issues, since I'm relatively small, and am not exactly what you'd call "athletic", sadly). Can I just take a moment to just say how much I love the relaxed atmosphere here? When we go on our routes, I don't have this crazy knot of anxiety in the pit of my stomach, frantically panicking and worrying that I'm going to somehow screw up or get lost. And my instructor chats to me while we walk, which is so much more grounding than she realizes. She doesn't interfere or swoop into save the day or anything, but I just don't feel as though I'm like, getting a visit from child and family services (is that what you Americans call it? :)).

After we got back from our routes, we went out on the patio and practised food refusal! This is probably one of the coolest things the dog does, because it's basically working against all of its (very powerful) survival instincts. I mean, it's food and it's a dog. Enough said, right? but these dogs are trained to refuse food that's offered to them by anyone other than their primary handler. So our instructor walked in front of them, offering a biscuit. My dog gave it an investigatory sniff, and then backed right off. I rewarded instantly and plentifully with kibble of my own! We then had to give them the "down" command at the same time she was offering them food. So not only did the dog have to focus on refusing the food, it had to be obeying a command as well. She held out the food to him, and he sort of leaned against my leg and melted adorably to the ground. Cue a happy dance from yours truly!

Finally, she simply dropped the food on the ground right in front of their noses while they were lying down, but he didn't so much as take a whiff. Nope, not my boy. This isn't to say that if a stranger in the future tosses a French fry at my dog he'll necessarily refuse, but hey-if I keep practising it with different people, he might just pass up that fry for me!

This afternoon, we're going to have our progress report meetings with our instructors. They're basically a chance to talk about where we've been and where we're going (how poetic!). Seriously though, that's what it is. It's an opportunity for us to give feedback on how we think we've been doing, thoughts about what it is we'd like to focus on going forward, certain settings we'd like to work in, etc. And it's also a chance for the instructor to give us some feedback on our handling technique, suggestions for improvement, stuff like that. I think we'll also be doing an ear cleaning workshop as well, which I think will hopefully be more successful than the teeth brushing one!

So, I'm trying to think of the things I'd like to work on with Arden. They are as follows:

-Dog distractions. Although they aren't bad, I'd like to work him passed the majority of dogs, and I know we'll find dogs aplenty to practise with.

-walking in pairs. Some of the people who are nearest and dearest to my heart are fellow dog handlers, and I'd like for my dog to be able to either follow or lead in a pair.

-working inside buildings, finding offices and doorways in buildings, etc. I basically live in a law school, so he'll have to be comfortable navigating the building.

-targeting things (doorways, chairs, pedestrian crossing poles, etc.)

-keeping still while I work out (I know it's hard to believe, even for me, but I do actually go to the gym slightly more often than occasionally), and I don't want him panting or screaming or carrying on while I myself am panting and carrying on, willing my stomach to flatten itself into oblivion.

-buses, and streets with several buses on them.

And I think that's basically it. Pretty much everything I just listed will be covered in class anyway, but  highlighting the things that are of the utmost importance really helps the instructors plan out your individual day. Someone who lives in a small town, for instance, might not need to work on buses or in large cities, so doing so would just waste everyone's time. I really like how much GDB tries to customize the training experience for each student.

I know I'm saying that I want to work on all of these things, but rest assured that I'm confident that my dog will be able to handle all of it. I'm incredibly impressed with how well he guides, how deliberately he works, and...oh guys, I just can't wait to get to know the rest of him, you know? It's going to be so much fun. I even let him lick my face a few times--something I never, ever let dogs do. he's owning me!

3:51 Pm

I just got back from our meeting, and it went very well. I got a chance to tell her just how happy I am to be at GDB, and how wonderful it's been to be given what we handlers refer to as a "saint" dog. Neither of us really had any real criticisms of anything: the instruction, my dog, or even me. She said that she doesn't think I give myself enough credit, and I basked in that praise. She's so naturally gifted with the dogs, and so having her tell me that she thinks I'm a good handler is definitely something I'm going to deposit in my emotional bank account for those rainy days. Like I suspected, we're already going to be working on a lot of the things I wanted to, so that'll be coming right up.

She also read me a report that had been prepared by his puppy raiser! let's see how much of it I remember:

-Arden is ok to be left home unrestrained, and has really good house behaviours (although he has been known to try and get onto the couch that their pet Chihuahua was allowed on! haha).

-He crates well, and is very calm.

-He has been to baseball games, shopping centres, college campuses, hair and nail salons, office buildings, theatres, schools, etc.

-He only barks when he's startled, and occasionally when people come to the door (which is actually a plus in my books).

-It also said that he solicits attention from strangers, which I have not seen a shred of since receiving him. I'm hoping that that's just a puppy thing he's grown out of.

-he takes a few days to settle into a new environment or routine, and does not attach to people easily.

The report was typed out on paper, so unfortunately I don't have an electronic copy of it to keep on my computer. I'm hoping that the school will perhaps include that as part of the binder we're going to get when we go home. I keep trying to get her to admit that he's basically perfect, and she agreed that he is very, very good. She frequently uses words like deliberate, reliable, consistent, and cautious to describe him. Even the class supervisor specifically said "Now Arden, that's one very good dog." You know, this must be how it feels to be a mom, because my heart swelled when I heard that and I could have burst at the seams with pride. That's my boy they're all talking about!

So yes, the meeting went well. I told the instructor how happy I am to be working with her, and how she so easily walks the line between instructor and friend. She has great feedback, and is excellent with the dogs without interfering in our handling. Overall, I've just been so pleased with having chosen to come to this school. I can only hope that this will continue. You know, I'm starting to get a little less anxious when I'm heading out on a new route, and I'm really liking how that feels.

After our meeting wound down, I cleaned Arden's ears. To absolutely noone's surprise, he stood perfectly still with his head lowered, and let me clean out both ears thoroughly before shaking his head and flapping those yellow ears all over the place. Oh, he's heaven, and I'm there with him.

9:35 Pm

I've just come back from a really relaxing dip in the hot tub with some of my classmates. Unfortunately, the bar wasn't open, so my dear friend Cab couldn't make it out tonight.

So, I'm sad to report that my auto-immune issues are cropping up a bit. Nothing has officially been diagnosed (what else is new though), but my left knee is in a lot of pain, especially when it's even slightly bent. I know I didn't "do anything to it", it just acts up from time to time, much like my other joints. I went to see the nurse on staff, who's one of the nicest people I'll ever meet in my life. she's one of those kind, motherly types who you'd feel completely comfortable disrobing in front of and tossing all dignity to the wind--she's seen it all. anyway, she took a look at my knee and said that it was swollen, so I got some validation at least (don't you hate it when you're in pain but "everything looks fine"? uggh). She gave me some naproxen (the pill was like, the size of an apple, but I managed to swallow it). Actually, she taught me a really good way to swallow huge pills. You sit up straight, tilt your head forward, and then try to swallow the pill. This will restrict your air way (not in such a way that you can't breathe though), and won't trigger your gag reflex. If it sounds like a bunch of cockamamie, just try it and report back! It really works! she also gave me an electric heating pad to wrap around my knee, so I'm going to rest with that tonight. I really, really hope I'm not any worse in the morning. Things have been going so well with Arden so far; I'd really hate for everything to get screwed up just because my stupid body can't cooperate with itself.

Tomorrow we're doing building work in the morning, and clickers in the afternoon! I'm really excited for all of it--I was getting a bit tired of the route we'd been doing, and I want to see how Arden reacts to the clicker. For those of you who don't know about clicker training, I'll likely explain more tomorrow when I'm not distracted by drooping eyelids and the knee of a 95 year old.